Recon Federation of Club Penguin

This post is an overview of the supermassive conflict that has now been confirmed as Club Penguin Army’s 8th official World War. It synthesizes all sides of the dispute with links to supporting documents, as well contextualizes RFCP’s positions towards each one. All soldiers are encouraged to read this in full to inform themselves on the unusual political reality at hand.

Before providing the story thus far, RFCP must state its stance in this event:

The Recon Federation of Club Penguin

Under Command of Prior Bumble

Declares War on:

RPF

PIC

and

LGA

In part of our alliance with ACP, PZF, Chaos, and Aliens for this conflict, thus officially entering WW8.

Terms:

Allies Allowed

All battles on CPATG

Abide by our general DBAD (Don’t be a Dick) clause

Read on to see how history brought us to this point. We request the declared-upon armies to read on as well, as our reasoning is woven throughout the narrative.

Origins of the Dispute

The global war currently barreling its way into Club Penguin army history began with disgruntled ex-ACP whistle-blower. On April 24, 2020, TheManWithThePlan lit the fuse that would soon become WW8, and perhaps that is what his primary legacy will be. The leaked screenshots in his blog posts were covered by CPAM and showed ACP trash talking CPAM, RPF, and taking a blasé attitude towards inflating max numbers.

ACP promptly apologized and dismissed the screenshots, saying exaggerating size is something all armies do, the CPAM criticism was supported by evidence, and friendly trash-talk is natural.

RPF promptly declared war anyway.

But RPF’s seemingly justified aggression was intoxicated with an outrageous battle schedule. Two battles at the same time. Twice.

ACP’s response to this brought up many of the points that will be familiar to RFCP who remember facing RPF’s attitude of moral superiority when declaring war on us in October.

RFCP’s Analysis

To RFCP, it is clear what happened here. RPF is an enormous army that usually only gets the opportunity to battle in tournaments. That’s because their gargantuan maxes make it difficult to declare war on any army without looking like a bully. They even frequently battle themselves to stay occupied–with maxes that almost triple the War of No Return. Thus, when RPF receives the tiniest trickle of offense, they capitalize the chance to rev their motors. This also makes them highly unresponsive to deescalation. CSY reported to me that his DMs were slow, or sometimes never, to be returned by RPF hicom. I recall a similar experience with leader-to-leader communication after a declaration, almost as if you’re below RPF’s time.

However, RFCP doesn’t necessarily feel RPF’s anger at the screenshots is misplaced. ACP is not wrong about friendly trash talk being common, and everyone is licensed to league/news site critique. But Club Penguin Armies is not the United Nations. A dirty look and a nasty comment certainly can merit war in this fragile environment. That RPF used these leaks to declare war (just like they did when discovering RFCP and EGCP’s “Pewter Hopscotch” plan against RPF) is understandable.

As for size inflation, we disagree with ACP as a sort of side note. That’s not really something RFCP does. We count numbers with a magnifying glass. So we don’t agree every army does that, nor should they.

Empathizing with both sides, we remained neutral and watched from afar.

Then I got a DM.

I listened and offered my advice tentatively, but mostly listened. Then:

RFCP Considers a Shocking and Historic Response to ACP’s Call

CSY and I have shared a growing friendship and mutual respect despite being 1ics of one of Club Penguin armies’ largest rivals.

And so, RFCP discussed. ACP’s closest ally, Help Force, refused to aid them in vindication of RPF’s fury (but probably more because of the CPAM criticisms, given that HF 1ic Ayan is the “CEO” of CPAM). While RFCP considered, Here Comes Chaos (known just as Chaos) entered the dispute in a workaround to the “no allies” term set by RPF. They merely declared on RPF themselves, allies allowed, and prepared to invade all the servers back from RPF with ACP’s help.

“Don’t cry, don’t whine about how you’re about to get blitzkrieg’ed to hell, Elmikey wouldn’t cry. “

Jester, Chaos Commander
[Note: Elmikey is arguably the most famous RPF leader]

We like the savagery. But coming to ACP’s aid is no trivial matter to an RFCP die hard. In fact, RFCP was in the midst of hyping up the War of Second Coming against the clovers, set to begin this Saturday. But our hearts found it difficult to ignore a call for help, especially when ACP’s predicament was relatable. Further, LGA and PIC–perhaps the most pathetically vile army in the community–sided with RPF. So, RFCP approached with a willingness to step in, with a few conditions.

The basic writing rule of thumb is “show, don’t tell,” so we show you now the terms being fulfilled:

Like the little switcheroo that happened there? We also have heard that Ms. Dawn hop hop hopped her way back to LGA. That’s her eighth army hop this year. You go, little bunny.

RFCP then negotiated that we would wear our own uniforms to battle and that ACP continue our army-to-army agreement that toxic behavior would be curbed. ACP publicized this formal, historic call for the Recon Federation’s assistance:

And we entered the game.

The First Battle

After shaking CSY’s hand (firmly), I was flooded into alliance group chats, including ACP and Chaos hicom. Whoever thought this would happen? PZF and a smaller army known as the Aliens joined shortly after. The agreement for RFCP’s involvement finalized only three hours before the Sack of Tuxedo, a 2:00 p.m. EST Chaos invasion (allies allowed) of Tuxedo, CPATG, RPF’s longtime capital.

We quickly threw each other rifles and mustered our best last minute showing. The Recon Federation maxed 24.

But I was on mobile at the time, unable to reach a computer. As the clock neared :00 and still no Prior, troops began to hit up my DMs anxiously.

The officers mobilized in assumption I’d not show. Commissar Opino was JUST about to deliver a battle speech in my absence (they always begin, “SOLDIERS OF RFCP”)

Then…

Opino adapted his next sentence fast.

But still I was away from my laptop.

A long time ago, I knew someone who worked in a prison, and they told me once how they witnessed two inmates playing chess with each other through the thin wall; eyes closed; envisioning the board entirely through memory, and saying “Pawn to E4.” Etc.

From my phone, I led entirely from memory of the room’s layout, battle rhythm, and reaction to RPF’s formation.

Finally, I was able to log onto the cpps. There were more than 200 users showing on the dashboard. I sprawled open my map and tried to enter the second room, again and again, only to find it was full. That’s when I witnessed the carnage of global catastrophe. It was like no combat I have ever seen in my career. Not only were the big boys (RFCP + ACP vs. RPF) brawling in the main rooms, but skirmishes overflowed into every other room. I fought with Chaos and PZF against PIC in the Tuxedo Forest while waiting for my chance at entering the third room.

Battalions of RPF shouted war cries to no one in V formation in the Cove. Throngs of combatants and spectators spilled over to the Town.

Stranded, AFK soldiers littered every other room like corpses.

Finally, I charged into the final room with my brethren. The battle was like nothing any of us have ever seen. It was the largest recorded battle since 2013, and we bled and bit in it.

And from room 2, led by my beloved 2ic, the indomitable Commissar Opino3.

To CSY and Koloway, my friends, we are making history together as we always do. My love is genuine.

For max count, because the crowds make tallying impossible:

Conclusion

RPF and ACP at one time were allies. This overbearing alliance sickened the health of CPATG and prompted the Revolution. Now, they clash, and dominoes fall in their wake to produce a chain reaction of punches. Like the assassination of Archduke Ferdinand, TheManWithThePlan fired a single gunshot that now booms in a symphony of artillery and smoke. RFCP enters the first World War of its existence with you serving in it. Remember that while this may appear to be a collision of blobs of color, each army here represents agency. Each leader has weighed their role as a political actor among this calamity. Each decision has been made.

We stand by ours.

War the fuck on.

Want to read about the other World Wars in CPA History?

WW1

WW2

WW3

WW4

WW5 (no exact page)

WW6 (no exact page)

WW7

Filed under: Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

After the destruction of Club Penguin Warfare (CPW) at the hands of terrorists on April 9, 2020, Club Penguin Armies Media (CPAM), CPW’s longtime competitor and critic, displayed immense compassion.

“That day broke all our hearts,” said Prior Bumble, CPW admin and RFCP leader. “We received DMs from former CPAM rivals like Emcee and Ayan expressing their sympathy.”

Despite the differences, and sometimes even the hostility, between the two organizations, the cyber attack on CPW brought both sides together against human indecency.

CPW was hatefully hacked and its vps deleted by an anonymous terrorist. Some suggested Club Penguin Online (CPO) was in cooperation. Now, that theory appears to be less certain. CPW staff tried to make sense of that day and communicate clearly with their player base.

Because the assailants gained access to CPW’s user data and demonstrated a willingness to enforce real-life threats, Prior made the gut wrenching decision that closing CPW was the safest thing he could do for all his members.

At that time, leaders from the Os Mascarados, Penguin Army Force (PAF), and the former Shock Troops messaged Prior their deepest condolences and respect. No matter how much we dislike each other, armies from both CPW and CPAM agreed that no one should have to suffer from such heartless behavior as hacking and malicious data harvesting.

Kerx, a legend, leader, former admin, and dear friend of Prior Bumble, gave heart to the newly homeless CPW members. And the support did not stop there.

“You’re not weak nor cowardly,” Emcee said in Prior’s DMs, regarding his decision to close the league. “You’re being smart tbh.”

Naturally, RFCP took time to heal and function alone as a family after this event. Prior respectfully declined Ayan’s offer of the position of “Editor in Chief” at CPAM.

Time passed, and RFCP continued to do what it always does: overcome adversity with spirit and bravery.

“Originally, the army planned to remain independent from the non-CPOAL army community that remains,” said Prior. “But after numerous blog posts, raids, coalitions, and war declarations from CPAM armies unable to keep ‘R-F-C-P’ out of their mouths, we, with humor, realized we were in this community whether we acknowledged it officially or not.”

Why not also be in the Top Ten then?

CPAM waved the army aboard. But Pookie, CPAM Producer, invited Prior to join the discord as a leader anyway, a gesture of solidarity.

“You know what?” Prior smirked. “I’ll think about that.”

For all other RFCP soldiers, the order to not enter the CPAM server has not been lifted at this time.

One thing is for certain though: had most of the CPAM staff (note, the staff, not the membership, which RFCP continues to disassociate with) not been so considerate in attempting to work with RFCP through these trials, this union would not be occurring. RFCP has grown fond of its isolation. But it is also a war army with fiery aggression. This move goes to prove it continues to be a center-stage force in armies.

Starting this week, RFCP’s events will be counted in CPAM’s Top Ten, and, as it did before, the news site will continue to write about us as they please.

These new Top Ten posts will be released every Sunday and are likely to evoke CPATG nostalgia for RFCP members who have served that long. It will provide even more motivation for our soldiers to give the purple and black their all.

We look forward to being “tops” as usual. Erat ipso sacra into this next chapter.

Filed under: Uncategorized | Leave a comment »

Have a seat, let me get my cigar.

*puffs*

All right. Welcome. Our fireside chats are usually an overhaul of a myriad of events that have transpired over a short period of time and the blog cannot keep up. Here are the contents for this chat:

1. Shock Troops’ Second Merge into RFCP
2. Jamie Becomes New Red Baron
3. Find Four Raid
4. Moshi’s Coup from LGA
5. Other Shenanigans

Needless to say, we will not be discussing the hate which continues to be flung at me and the army. We stand. We do not fall. And we continue to forgive those who offend.

1. Shock Troops’ Second Merge into RFCP

Sh’ock sum nuvar! RFCP welcomed the Shock Troop mergers into the army. The decision came a couple weeks after Cena endowed Zucculente with the revival perms for the army, which operated in both CPW and CPAM during its lifetime. I received a direct message from Zucc on April 14, 2020, letting me know that the army was closing and that they’d be open to discussing a merge.

The transition was covered by CPAM, and since the news site has recently shared a friendly rapport with RFCP blog, linking to our articles in their posts, we will do the same.

As we did in November during the first merge, RFCP embraced the new soldiers and planned a weekend of unity events, including an in-house practice battle where Zucc led OG RFCP and I led the mergers.

Since, two of the stormy new RFCP members have already received service medals in the army. We use this platform to give the new soldiers a shout out one last time to let them know they’re loved:

2. Jamie Becomes New Red Baron

Making a powerful entry into RFCP after weeks of consideration, Jamie, former CPW admin alongside me, joined the army as Red Baron. Red Baron is the EU equivalent of General in RFCP, making Jamie’s rank 3ic. The decision was celebrated with raucous esteem.

“He deserves it,” said one RFCP soldier, CoffeeBean. “He deserves it and he’s a great Red Baron.”

I can’t articulate how perfect Jamie is for RFCP. He barged into #command-room like he’s been RFCP for years. He’s got the grit, the savagery, the work ethic, and the good heart that defines RFCP hicom. There is no one in this entire community I’d rather have leading my Air Force right now than him.

Jamie also made a splash in foreign affairs. At the encouragement of his fellow officers, the new Red Baron recently took a leak on the People’s Imperial Confederation (PIC) flag, giving crying spasms to the commies over in their server. PIC, which I’m petitioning be renamed the “RFCP Support Group,” is made up almost entirely of ex-RFCP who have lied and backstabbed us. It’s currently the second most viewed video on our YouTube.

Atta boy, brother.

3. Find Four Raid

Speaking of PIC, RFCP executed its most organized raid in history during PIC’s Find Four tournament. Conducted by RFCP’s Raid Ghost division head known only as “the Phantom,” soldiers logged onto the server where PIC planned their tournament. We then occupied all the Find Four spots and refused to make moves, embargoing PIC from their event. When PIC switched servers, so did we, and agents split up to locate them in seconds. We even did the same to mancala when PIC attempted to change games. Finally, RFCP made sure to force themselves into all the max photos.

The raid was so successful, two soldiers were awarded the Medal of the Specter.

4. Moshi’s Coup from LGA

Round two of coups, eh?

LGA announced today that Moshi, loyal partner to Carole Baskin Kailey, has been couped from power by his former comrades.

Dino declared in all caps that Moshi was BANISHED from LGA.

RFCP considers this a victory, as Dino’s post cited the coup partially to the pressure RFCP’s raids applied to the limes since early April. I reached out to Dino upon hearing of this overthrow.

Good riddance.

5. Other Shenanigans

Elsewhere, RFCP has been enjoying life and putting on a plethora of fun, random events. Here are a few!

RFCP Titanic event:

Earth Day gardening:

Coolj and Gianna’s Spongebob Wedding:

RFCP soldiers pull a little prank on me before the officer oath ceremony:

Card-Jitsu Tournament with PZF:

Officer Retreat, ending with a game of Scribblio:

Nudist Event:

Conclusion

*flicks ashes off cigar*

My churchill is just about smoked to the stub. I end this fireside chat as always by giving strength to my troops–remember who you are, and why you matter. You are a soldier. You are brave. You belong here.

And hey, you know they still call us a cult…

We don’t mind anymore.

RFCP still standing.

Erat ipso sacra.

Filed under: Uncategorized | Leave a comment »

Late last night, an anonymous informant messaged Prior Bumble. The Commander was drinking Fiji water and watching King of Queens when the unexpected DM buzzed in. This informant said they carried dangerous information. A coalition in CPAM, he/she said, had formed with the objective to “raid RFCP until they quit.”

First of all.

Lol.

“Until they quit.” We invite these coalition members to look at the hardship the RFCP people have overcome in the past year and ask themselves why their alliance of 5 armies (PIC, LGA, Shadow Troops, UMA, and Warlords of the Kosmos), which collectively in one server couldn’t break 40, would spell the end of the Recon Federation.

The informant provided a link to the coalition server.

It didn’t take long for RFCP intelligence to infiltrate. What we found inside was not unexpected.

1. Personal attack against Prior Bumble
2. Multilogging
3. Games (Zaidimi) making racist comments.

We do not wish to repeat the personal attacks against our leader, but they were so vulgar that even some of the coalition members, like WOK (led by former CPATG admin, Superhero123), threatened to withdraw.

The Rosea Coalition server was packed with anti-RFCP/anti-Prior belligerents, including Katsuki, Phoebe (tbh we thought she was still an RFCP Major, so this surprised us), Eva, Cob, Moshi, Manu, Emma, and Karma and Fresh, who were the alts/informants for the coalition. Fresh was beloved in the RFCP server, so much that the army made him a cousin, with a special role. We were saddened to see him abuse our trust. Karma, well. We can only assume she offered to be the alt in the server because she, you know, missed Prior (DMs are still open, baby).

LGA seems to be the pioneers behind the coalition, angered by RFCP’s recent raids. RFCP stands firm that our raids against LGA are direct responses to incessant personal attacks against us led by LGA 1ic Moshi. RFCP rarely is the first aggressor, and never in history attacked without reason. LGA attracted smaller armies in CPAM like Shadow Troops and Warlords of the Kosmos to support them, these smaller organizations being unaware of the punches LGA’s been swinging. PIC and UMA have no claim to ignorance.

We turn now to address Rosea’s multilogging:

It’s amusing that 5 armies united still need to multilog to achieve an acceptable max. Have Shadow Troops and UMA been multilogging in their other events, since they seem so familiar with it? But the irony is even sweeter in light of the fact that RFCP’s powerful 40+ maxes in battle are constantly dismissed as multilogging despite there never being a single piece of objective evidence. In fact, Prior even offered to buy Nitro for anyone who could prove that RFCP multilogs.

This is five armies combined plus multilogs:

This is one army (dual enlistment prohibited) with no multilogs:

Rosea member Eva, PIC leader (PIC tried to pull out of Rosea before we could catch em, but don’t worry, little ones. Papa’s got you), was in RFCP’s hicom channel for three months. Still no evidence of multilogging to support any of their claims.

????

Rosea Coalition began to fall apart after they realized RFCP outsmarted and outspied them. We banned Fresh, posted a fake event postponement announcement, and, once they realized the gig was up, scared them into dissolving.

Are they gone for good? Probably not. The obsessed leaders will likely go on or reform, but their appendages of support are reconsidering their allegiance to the parties heading the anti-RFCP effort due to toxicity.

Even LGA leader, Dino, recently posted this after the fall of the Rosea Coalition:

Two things. 1) “Losing relevancy and shrinking,” please use your counting skills and go up four screenshots to see our response to that, and 2) Prior Bumble did reach out to Dino and said he’d be willing to conference about planning a war, but Dino retreated.

So we suppose LGA does not want to 1 on 1 Prior Bumble after all?

RFCP wishes to thank the hardworking intelligence soldiers whose service was invaluable to sabotaging the Rosea Coalition threat. They were damn cool. The army also thanks the original informant from last night, whose coming forward was very brave. Thank you to the dozens of RFCP soldiers who were patient without knowing what was going on today while the divisions and hicom took care of business (you get dope blog post out of it!). Finally, we even thank Super for putting his foot down on personal attacks, which have no place in armies, but which Prior Bumble has endured for months.

Appreciate the fun, Rosea.

We end by asking the Rosea Coaltion a question, direct from Prior Bumble:

What is your favorite flower?

Filed under: Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

The following is the original war declaration on April 19, 2020:

The time has come.

ACP, we have not met you in formal war since the one that changed the world. We are prepared to change it again. Consider the first shot fired.

This conflict shall be called: The War of Second Coming

Terms: No allies, no colonies, and retreat will be considered defeat. All battles on CPATG. 24 hour notice required. We fight until one of us relents to a peace treaty. No cyber war, no doxxing, no tactics or comments on/off the battlefield targeting anyone in real life.

First battle: Friday, April 24, 2020. 8:00 p.m. EST. Klondike, CPATG. Rooms are Beach, Town, and Berg.

Love you, CSY. Let’s make history.

---

REVISED April 24, 2020:

The above post collided in ironic synchrony with this strange post by ACP, which seems to reject all foreign affairs:

But RFCP wasn’t letting ACP slip away that easily.

CSY and Prior Bumble share respect as 1ics, however. ACP did not end up backing down from the challenge, and a deal was struck.

The War of Second Coming launches May 2nd now.

Prepare.

Filed under: Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

And we’re not talking Bumble Bucks!

This willingness to step up and help someone else is part of what the RFCP is founded on. I honestly don’t think any other army could do this.

Sillabye, Recruitment Coalition division head

This month, Prior Bumble and Recruitment Coalition head Sillabye collaborated to hold a recruitment fundraiser that would result in real-life donations to COVID-19 relief.

The terms of the fundraiser are posted below. In a nutshell, any soldier who recruited 1 new member into the server would = Prior donating $1 USD to a charity focused on COVID-19 relief called “Feed the Fight.” This organization patronizes suffering small business restaurants and delivers free meals to exhausted healthcare workers. Participating soldiers were required to sacrifice their $25 Bumble Buck standard recruitment reward for it to count.

Here are some photos of the great work RFCP just supported at https://feedthefight.org/ ! :

After Prior pledged to donate, other RFCP executives in the Recruitment Coalition decided to pledge donations as well to four other philanthropies dedicated to helping others during the pandemic. The division set certain goals that would unlock the donations if those quotas were met, and many were!

Recruitment Coalition division head, Sillabye, joined us for an interview on this amazing feat.

Q: Silla, this is such a great accomplishment for the army. How are you feeling right now?

A: I’m literally on top of the world. I could not be prouder of how amazing the division did. I saw so much generosity and hard work that it blew me away.

Q: You’ve really revamped the division and mobilized them. What sort of changes did you implement that made this huge input of recruits possible?

A: Well, first expanding the RC from one channel to multiple channels made us much more organized! That made it a lot easier to have more people come out to recruit. On top of this, throughout the contest, the entire division figured out a way of approaching recruitments that made us much more efficient. We changed it so that one person (generally) did all the oathing of new recruits, while the others were (for the most part) solely focused on recruiting. Basically, we found our strengths and weaknesses and figured out how to make our recruiting even better.

Q: Can you describe the spirit of generosity you saw among those who participated in this fundraiser? They not only sacrificed their Bumble Bucks, but a lot of time too.

A: It was amazing. I personally had agreed to donate just as extra motivation, never thinking others would agree to donate as well! Then, on top of that, we had recruiters giving up entire days to recruit. One recruit even came out when she wasn’t feeling her best so she could make sure we reached the goal. It came down to people offering to miss other [non-essential/recreational] events or staying up until 2:00 a.m. just so we could reach the goals we kept setting (and breaking) for ourselves. The best part? Not s single person complained–not about the Bumble Bucks, not about the 1:00 a.m. recruitments, not even about the trolls that were insulting them. Everyone was so dedicated to doing as much as they could.

Q: That’s so inspiring. What do you think this says about what RFCP as an army really is?

A: We are a group of people who truly care about other people. We all put ourselves on the back burner for a week so we could help out others who need it. I’m not surprised by the hard work and caring I saw from everyone; it’s the kind of thing I see every day in the RFCP–people helping and caring about one another. This week, they put that energy into raising money, yet still found time to help and support one another. One solider, Coffeebean, noticed two of our recruits were struggling a bit in their first days and went out of her way to take them under her wing (she already had at least four buddies at that point and had been recruiting all week). This willingness to step up and help someone else is part of what the RFCP is founded on. I honestly don’t think any other army could do this: raise this much money with this much passion, and that makes me extremely proud to be an RFCP member.

Q: Beautifully said. Do you have anything else you want to add?

A: I just wanna thank the Recruitment Coalition for their hard work. You guys did amazing! Also, I wanna welcome all of our new recruits once again. You are all extremely valued here and I’m so excited to get to know each and everyone of you. Joining the RFCP will be the best decision of your life!

Below are screenshots of the receipts proving RFCP’s donations. Prior stayed true to his word that he’d comment that the donation was made possible by the Recon Federation of Club Penguin when filling out the donation form.

“This is the greatest army in Club Penguin,” said Prior, “for reasons like this. And I daresay, if we as a community continue to act as a force for good in the world, we will be one of the greatest armies in existence, period.“

A huge thank you to the participants, their supporters, the new recruits (you’re part of history now!), and the whole Recruitment Coalition. We’re sure some amazing things are in store for this division. Reach out to the head, Sillabye, and consider joining today.

Erat ipso sacra.

Filed under: Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

On April 14th, 2020, the RFCP held its first formal trial since September.

A user named Ded Bushes entered the server and met the typical interrogation of RFCP’s vetting team. His story raised suspicion. According to Bushes, he had come across RFCP at a recruitment “days ago,” just now decided to join, and was currently in the middle of getting McDonald’s late at night during a global pandemic.

At the nod of the Recruitment Coalition, which did not approve of his clearance into the server, the RFCP attack dogs on duty, Maddie, Liam, Pixie, and Sha, initiated the process of barking him out. “We’re not McLovin’ it,” they said.

Then, Prior arrived.

His vibes were indeed likeable. Everyone silenced but exchanged skeptical looks. Prior waved Bushes in and kept an eye on him. Then, the two began to to DM. The DM conversation raised more red flags, which Prior offered to ZCA.

The ban hammer was dropped.

The dust settled. All was quiet. Then…

A little ping appeared in Prior’s DMs. Young Ded Bushes appealed his ban. And Prior, well, he still liked the vibes. It was decided that a trial would be held.

Prior ordered a court room server created. He announced he’d be taking Bushes on as his client.

This move shocked the army. The Commander himself defending someone his entire intelligence division recommended banning for the safety of the Federation?

“Justice knows no color,” said Prior.

It seemed like the moment for action he’d been waiting for was finally upon Prior (he’d demonstrated his conviction towards social justice frequently in weeks past).

So the media gathered and buzz reverberated through the streets and cities.

The Recruitment Coalition hired Sha as the plaintiff.

The Honorable Judge Justice Wright presided over the court.

Liam and Pixie served as the Jury.

RFCP flooded in to watch in the read-only court server, as they discussed in #summit.

At the bang of the gavel, all rose in the court. The Honorable Judge Justice Wright invited the plaintiff to list the charges. Ded Bushes was accused of the following:

1. Entering the server with the intent to spy
2. Falsifying information about his Club Penguin/Puffin whereabouts
3. Lying to the Commander

But before the prosecution could deliver the evidence, Prior Bumble, esquire, stood.

Prior was allowed, and he held his lapels while speaking.

Sure as molasses did Prior’s southern charm woo the observers back home in #rfcp-summit.

Then the defense plead not guilty on all three accounts.

But the plaintiff, who Prior addressed as “Ms. City Pants,” was not impressed. Sha began laying out her evidence to the court.

The defense then called a witness, Microwaveable Hamster, who countered that it is indeed possible to play Club Penguin on Puffin while also operating Discord.

“I’m on both Puffin and Discord simultaneously at work,” Micro testified before the court. “So, it’s not impossible.”

This charge seemed all cleared. Then the defense, uh, took another hit…

The plaintiff moved to the evidence for their next accusation, pointing to Ded Bushes being a spy. The prosecution declared that Ded Bushes accidentally sent a DM to Prior that said, “ok he stopped dming me.” Hmmmm. To them, it sounded like that was a mistake, and that it was a message meant to be sent to someone receiving information through Bushes.

However, the proof Ded Bushes supplied to show this “annoying friend” really existed did not quite match up to the timestamps…

Ded Bushes sent the “ok he stopped dming me” to Prior at 1:44 a.m. EST. The screenshot he provided, meant to explain who “he” was, if the message was really not an “oopsie.” was from 11:03 p.m. MST.

Perhaps in an effort to distract the court from the shaky defense, Prior Bumble, esquire, then stood and spoke out once more. He attempted to repaint his client as an upstanding citizen.

He implored the jury to give Bushes a chance, because all of us are still learning how to do the right thing.

So desperate was the defense, that they then turned to invalidate the plaintiff on the basis of intoxicated conduct in voice chat.

The plaintiff responded with a memo against Prior Bumble, @toom.

Finally, it was time for the jury to decide. Pixie ruled ban, Liam ruled clemency. It was a hung jury. A third, Opino, had to be called in.

Jaws dropped when Opino ruled clemency.

Prior dropped some links in celebration.

And so, Ded Bushes was allowed to join the army.

Now, the blog would like to discuss what really happened here. The trial was all fun and games, but Commander Prior knew all along that Ded Bushes was sent in to spy on the RFCP, ever since the “ok he stopped dming me” happened.

Readers:

For weeks, an ex-soldier named Luckyluigi (also known as Luca) has been trying to raid and attack the RFCP. Since leaving the army, for no reason other than hatred against Prior Bumble cultivated in him by Eva, Dawn, and Emma, Luca has been a former PIC 1ic and now is one of the lowest ranks in Moshi’s rebirthed LGA. He remains obsessed with RFCP, though.

Worse of all, Luca has been targeting the most vulnerable–young children– to do his dirty work against RFCP. He singles out RFCP’s Silver Thirty members (young soldiers) in DMs in an attempt to convince them to spy for him.

So far, he has tried to manipulate Justin, Hirijo, and now Ded Bushes, all who are between the ages of 10-15. This problem has become so incessant that hicom even made an announcement in RFCP’s young soldier channel.

RFCP is very aware of what Luca does. The army is committed both to assuring no information is fed to Luca through any mediums, but more importantly to protect our young members–and even young non-members hired to sabotage us–from being used as pawns. Ded Bushes confessed everything to Prior, and Prior embraced him and praised his courage for telling the truth. Ded Bushes blocked Luca.

We are taking little Ded Bushes in now, and we remain dedicated to being a loving and supportive resource to all people, even those who attempt to hurt us, not really knowing why.

Erat ipso sacra, little Ded Bushes. Erat ipso sacra.

Filed under: Uncategorized | Leave a comment »

One of RFCP’s favorite things to do is be together as a family. Celebrating holidays has always meant that to this army. Today is the first time RFCP experienced Easter Sunday! Lots of events were planned.

First, there was a Christian service in Roman’s gorgeous church igloo on Oasis. Prior, called Father Prior this morning for the occasion, presided. He read scripture, gave a sermon, renewed the congregation’s baptismal vows, and led the faithful in a hymn.

It was a joyous message of hope, and a reminder that no darkness lasts forever. “As an ordained minister,” said Prior, “and a patriarch who loves you, I offer my blessing upon you in the name of God.”

Later, the army held less religious but still festive events for those of other creeds wanting to partake in the fun and kin. They kept storytime on theme with a book about rabbits.

After, soldiers gathered for Easter dinner, dressed up in formal pastels. Powder blue tuxedos, huge flowered hats, and frills were all the rage.

There was even a kids table set up.

Lastly, everyone prepared for the HUNT! Soldiers became eggs…

And hid.

It was great fun.

A special thanks to Hamster, Secretary of Events, for making this such a spectacular day.

Happy Easter to all. May you be refreshed and filled with hope today and always.

Filed under: Uncategorized | Leave a comment »

We come to you this morning with incredibly exciting news!

Prior Bumble has authorized an official musical anthem of the army.

The song, “Polaris,” was composed and performed by Major Pixie. It is adaptable to both the guitar and the piano. The lyrics are offered in both English and Penguin Latin–which, by the way, is the largest piece of text Prior Bumble has ever translated for his people.

The songwriter, Pixie, said she wrote it the day CPW was attacked, to remind the enlisted about what the army truly is: a source of strength that cannot be knocked down.

The Commander, we hear, could not have been more thrilled with the surprise.

“I didn’t commission this,” he said. “It was born out of a soldier’s pure love for RFCP. And it’ll be an anthem for the love people have for this army forever more.”

During the composition, Prior only had one edit to the lyrics. Originally, “motherland” replaced “fatherland.”

“Our literature refers to RFCP land as the fatherland,” said Prior. “This has roots in our colonial history. During the colonization of DKA, we were known as the fatherland to our colonists.”

The anthem is among other important RFCP identifiers that will be added to the website’s upcoming “Nation” page, along with a list of the army’s servers and a lexicon of all the known Penguin Latin words.

Hail to our new battle hymn!

Filed under: Uncategorized | Leave a comment »

It’s worth a critical look.

The army logged on to Oasis for a tropical party in the lush igloo of Colonel Hamster tonight.

Of course, to many, it seemed the event was one large lure to summon Commander Prior in his trademark Hawaiian shirt.

Since he is understood to only wear two types of shirt in real life–plaid or Hawaiian–and since the spring weather fluctuates from chilly to warm in his state, a fun poll with a $10 BB reward has been running on and off all week.

Despite the weather, some soldiers remain die hard fans of one or the other.

Unfortunately, although Prior has only face revealed to Field Marshal Sha, and therefore his skin tone is NOT proven, some people are determined to pull the race card on Prior’s odd obsession with hedonistic Margaritaville attire.

We decided to take this to the next level. Unannounced, we showed up at Prior’s igloo. He groaned when he opened the door.

PRIOR: Jfc.

BLOG: What? Sick of us?

PRIOR: Can’t complain, I guess. You’re like the Fox News to my Trump.

BLOG: We’re here for the shirts.

PRIOR: Excuse me?

BLOG: We want to see the shirts, Prior.

PRIOR: My closet doesn’t need to be in this post.

But he was wrong. It did need to be in the post. Begrudgingly, he allowed our entry. We can confirm his Hawaiian shirt collection is excessive. Among the prints are: bamboo, volcanoes, fish bones, guitars, and tikis.

BLOG: May we ask what the appeal is?

PRIOR: [Shrugging] Part of my aura. Cigars and Hawaiian shirts while leaning on a wall or lounging back in a chair. Enjoying life while also being one with its pleasures.

BLOG: That was deep.

PRIOR: Ain’t that why people read this blog?

BLOG: So is that island skipper vibe connected to being Commander? Do you think it adds to your…?

PRIOR: My what?

BLOG: Like, you know.

PRIOR: Say it.

BLOG: Uh, I don’t know, the whole thing you got going. Alpha Commander Baghavan.

PRIOR: You tell me.

Hawaiian shirts have become so associated with Prior, almost from the army’s foundation, that they’re now one of the many icons representing RFCP culture. There was even an emote of Club Penguin’s green Hawaiian shirt (the one Prior usually wears in-game, as opposed to the blue) in the server.

One thing we know for sure: while everyone is holed up in quarantine, it’s good to laugh with friends and enjoy some light fun. And to us, it sounds like Prior’s repertoire is prepared for the job.

Filed under: Uncategorized | Leave a comment »