Ex-Enemy Hicom Joins RFCP as Advisor

When RPF 3ic Pookie, otherwise known as “LemmeGetUhhh…”, retired from service on Monday, no one expected his next move would be to RFCP.

RPF was considered RFCP’s 2nd biggest foe, but with the heat rising in the prelude of the Brutusian War, the Romans certainly have bumped RPF to #3.

Still, RFCP has been an antagonist of the decade-old behemoth, carrying out revolutions against the rival Federation and even having a phrase of Penguin Latin devoted to RFCP’s refusal to relent against RPF opposition. Does gnor l’yat fjor (“Never kneel”) ring a bell?

At other times, however, RPF and RFCP seemed less enemies by choice and more enemies by circumstance. Their exterior allegiances never aligned, but each army has expressed stiff respect for each other.

Pookie’s role in this turbulent relationship has been a subtle one. Known for sly rather than smack trolling (and popping into DMs only to purposefully make you wait in “anticipation”), Pookie’s affluence in the army community is magnetic. He has served as a judge and mod for the former league, CPA (rip), and his history in armies is deep.

Other than a long career at RPF, Pookie served as 2ic of Arctic Ops, a famous RPF offshoot.

Pookie and current RPF leader, UltipenguinJ, as AO. Photograph from February 24, 2014

Promotions to the owner line for AO were conducted democratically.

Securing an advisor role at RFCP, however–in keeping with an ever-increasingly celebrated and publicized tradition of RFCP autocracy–has only one such hurdle: getting past the Commander.

After demonstrating strides in the direction of brotherhood with RFCP, Pookie, to many’s surprise, won over hearts quickly in the army. He celebrated the coup of Kailey with the purple and black (that should be a blog post; we’ll get on that), became an Uncle, and even found himself the first ever recipient of the RFCP 50″ x 60″ fleece blanket.

Best of all to these bloggers, Pookie even accepted an invitation to RFCP’s January hosting of Zootopia (2016) move night with enthusiasm.

The interview process for becoming an RFCP advisor asks the following questions:

  1. Are you currently advising (or plan to advise) any other armies? Which?
  2. What armies have you advised in the past?
  3. Why do you want to advise RFCP? (We require more than “It’d be fun/I’m bored”).
  4. How do you think you can improve RFCP?
  5. Do you believe we are a good army, with good folks, and do you reject the hate rhetoric we receive on the daily? If yes, will you represent that goodness abroad?
  6. How active can you be?
  7. Lastly, if accepted, you will be given privy to a private channel called the “conference room.” This is a hicom channel. Do you pledge never to leak information from that channel at any time, during or beyond your service?

Pookie’s answers were affirming in every way.

He was accepted.

Now, strengthened by a distinguished veteran on the side of the Recon Federation, the army moves into war with new support, and the sharp military counsel from a hicom of one of the largest armies in Club Penguin history.

“We are empowered having Pookie join our side and our board,” said Commander Prior. “We’ve had our professional skirmishes in the past. But in the end, Pookie was a brother when it actually mattered.”

He joins two other Advisors in bright pink–a newly active Tumbling (!!!!!), and an inactive but proudly and anti-ACP symbolic Lord Pain.

BREAKING! RFCP Enters the Brutusian War

Image result for brutus killing caesar

Roman-RFCP relations have never been positive.

In October, the Roman leader, SMURF, joined belligerents in raiding Prior Bumble and Side9’s matrimony, hollering obscenities that went beyond teasing and into a realm of truly violent and disgusting sexual and racial language. They never actually made a return that autumn, and closed before setting sandals on the ground. When CPW opened, SMURF engaged in some trolling of the league, but promptly disappeared. In every instance, Prior and Smurf would reconcile in DMs, always with Prior’s trademark forgiveness, and the cycle would repeat.

This February, the Romans revived yet again under the same leadership as those from the raid–Smurf and Zaidimai (also known as Games). Joining their ranks as well as counselors are Eden and ex-RFCP Uncle, Cob. Dino and Arthaeus are their 2ics. But most troubling of all is their choice of a 3ic–Cabin.

Cabin, an ex-General of the RFCP, co-founded the hate group “Fuck Prior” with Kailey. In said group, RFCP flags were burned, fanfic was written about shooting Prior in the head, members laughed at the realization that DatBoiRiven faked his death, and they traded stories of “times they made Prior cry.”

When Cabin left RFCP, he snapped. He was a good and kind officer here. Prior encouraged and loved him (does the Commander ever lightly make someone a General?). The amount of insanity that ensured after his departure in the forms of trolling, raiding, working alongside villains, and terrorizing our server on alts was like a totally different person. He failed to found his own army. Since, he’s hopped from Light Troops to Templars to ACP to CPO to Romans and back ’round we go.

Now, ZCA, RFCP’s intelligence division, has strong evidence to suggest that Cabin organized Monday’s appalling raid of our innocent training event:

Other pictures will not be shown here, but explicit and gross comments were made to RFCP minors among other obscenities.

Although he was not present, Prior was enraged at what his soldiers endured.

CSY, the new ACP leader, who surprisingly shares a very cordial relationship with the Commander, gave RFCP more reason to believe that it was Cabin.

Prior met the Roman leaders in a group chat and demanded there be a demotion of Cabin, or else war would be the response. The Romans originally agreed, but then pushed back when Cabin declared innocence.

Prior didn’t buy it.

When Prior wouldn’t back down, the insults at him were slung, accusing him of egoism (which he proudly accepts) and for making “shitty ass decisions” in his career (which he trolled with Jim Bob emotes).

As war seemed more and more imminent, both armies intensified focus on each other. In the Romans server, before being banned, Prior searched the chat logs for his own name. What came up were pages of Romans leaders shit talking him and making fun of him. Cob, who’d sworn as an Uncle to defend RFCP from hate rhetoric, stood passively and watched. At that point, the war came to be about more than the raid.

The war became a long-awaited justification for months of Roman disrespect and vulgarity towards the Recon Federation.

“We are going to shed blood that is long overdue,” said Commander Prior, “and a long debt to us will finally be paid.”

But the Romans evaded war as much as they could. In CPW, an army must have at least one server in order to wage official war. CPW staff gave the fresh army their leader roles, but the #schedule-invasions channel, which offered plenty of freeland servers to sweep up, remained untouched.

Indeed, Dino and his Roman comrades have been using RFCP’s “Eventmas” marathon–a fun and chaotic 75 events-in-two-weeks festival organized by Lt. Sillabye–to chastise low RFCP turnouts.

“Of course we’re going to have maxes of 4 or 5 at trainings when there are 3 trainings a day every day for two weeks,” said Prior. “We’re spreading ourselves thin purposefully. But it’s been said many times: RFCP is a war army.”

Finally, Commander Prior refused to keep waiting for the “cowards” to claim a free server and accept the war.

He transferred RFCP’s own server, Baskin Robbins (CPW), to the Romans and declared an invasion on it instantly after.

Some in the army were concerned by this move, and others thought it was bad ass and savage.

(Prior refers to his hard copy book, a work in progress, titled The Complete History of Club Penguin Armies.)

The war name, “The Brutusian War,” refers to Marcus Junius Brutus, the Roman Republic senator who murdered Caesar in 44 B.C. Much in the vein of RFCP’s thirst for Roman defeat.

Because we love warmongering propaganda, below is a photograph of a delicious alcoholic beverage called a Bloody Roman. Yum!

The first battle is this Friday, 8:00 p.m. EST, on Baskin Robbins (CPW). The trash talk will finally be silenced with victory.

Erat ipso sacra.

Meme by Raider

The Evolution of the CPW Map

Our Saturday post is light and fun. Today, we take a look at the journey RFCP designers took in finalizing the map of CPW during the creation of the new league.

When RFCP declared independence from CPA and set to work forming CPW, the design of a new server map was first priority. It was even discussed the very same night.

Much of this creation process after this occurred through back-and-forth emails with Prior Bumble and Brigadier (then Lieutenant) Waffle, as Prior took a well needed leave in the interim.

The map went through several stages and revisions. First, Arne took concepts from Opino3, Roman, and Waffle and created a colorized initial draft.

A Map Team group chat was formed, where the original cohort discussed style.

They suggested making the map military rather than techy, with grey and red contrast, and tested it out on a rough blueprint.

This was fleshed out and applied onto Arne’s framework. Then resources were added, designed by Roman.

These were submitted to Commander Prior. Although delighted, he saw that the continents of CPR and the miscellaneous CPPSes were present, but knew CPW would need a large continent to accommodate its 40 servers. And so, to make room, and to depart from the east–>west traditions of the CPA map, Prior shifted the map by 90 degrees, placing the misc. CPPS continent on top. He changed the CPR continent to become the CPW continent, and created a new continent in the above right corner to host CPR instead.

The colorization proposed in the early proof, however, was decided to be too fantasy-themed. The next phases of colorization sought to be more futuristic, and to echo themes of Club Penguin’s EPF.

From his email, Prior proposed three color schemes.

Originally, the dark blue was favored. But some on the design team felt it too closely recalled the CPA map. CC_Jay suggested the teal option. As it turned, the third option, black, was one everyone agreed on. So, the next step was to make the continent translucent. There was another issue as well with the current version: the islands. Although the original idea was to make use of many islands, the reality was that they would be too small for a nation’s color to be seen well. Prior ordered the outline of the map smoothened and the islands reduced.

Next, it was time to add the server borders! Prior Bumble was the main architect for this step.

He ran out of room in the CPW continent to house all 40 servers, though, and something had to be done.

The additional servers were sketched in.

Final jpeg product:

So! The map was all set as an image. But how would it become interactive? A healthy and dynamic league map is always changing color. From this point, Prior hired outside help to convert the map into an HTML digital map. He provided a chart of the servers and resources for the hired technician to follow.

After hours of work, the technician brought the map to life. Here are three screenshots of the map being uploaded, taken at about 10 minutes apart.

Voila! It liiiiiiives! http://play.clubpenguinwarfare.com/map/

Image result for it lives! gif

But some of the servers were mismatched. Prior knew he’d have to correct that, but he also knew the map would undergo lots of other edits in its lifespan. So, once the map was up and running, Prior paid for a tutoring session between himself and the technician, so he could be taught how to use coding to update the map alone. It took a few hours to get the hang of something entirely foreign to him. Now, he is the only Admin who operates the CPW map.

And here is the map as of today:

Cartographic Lore!

If your blood runs purple and black for RFCP, we know you love lore. The CPW map already has two pieces of lore!

  1. Was Northern Lights (CPW) once a part of CPR?

It’s possible. Tectonic plates have moved these landmasses around, and geographers believe there is enough evidence to suggest that Northern Lights was once connected to CPR c. 3.1 million years ago. Consider the shape of Northern Lights and the contour of the CPR gulf:

2. The Hidden Lake

The final jpeg image of the CPW map had a lake in the center of the CPW continent, just above South Pole.

But it mysteriously disappeared in the final publication of the map. South Pole extends over it. What happened to the lake? Did it dry up? One theory circulating is that it was not a lake of water at all, but of lava, and that it submerged back into the earth. Will it ever come back? Or is it actually a secret server that CPW insiders don’t want the public to know about?

For now, we’ll call it the Hidden Lake. But it could be more like Area 51.

Worlds are ever changing. Even worlds we imagine. The CPW map was an awesome combination of minds and efforts, and to see the long journey of where it came from to where it is today makes it that much more profound.

Introducing: The Priortorian Guard

At midnight yesterday, RFCP unveiled its latest division: the Priortorian Guard.

The Priortorian Guard is not a branch of RFCP’s intelligence division, Zero Cap Alpha. It is not a branch of server moderators. It is a completely new and independent division of elite bodyguards with the sole purpose of protecting the Commander-in-Chief of the army.

In ancient Rome, the praetorian guard served an identical purpose, and it is from this that RFCP draws the logo and name of the division.

Anyone familiar with Club Penguin armies knows that Prior Bumble is one of the most attacked and controversialized leaders in history. Assault on him began in mid September and persisted until just a few weeks ago when doxxers attempted to take him down. The threats he faces are real: political, mental, emotional, and, unfortunately, even physical. In response to such harm, Shallissa, an OG member and Major of the RFCP, undertook a rogue enlisted role in the army titled “Prior’s Bodyguard.” And bodyguard she was. She aggressively defended Prior, fought for him, and strategized his safety in a dangerous time.

It became apparent that this was a full-time job, and, although she showed no signs of tiring, Commander Prior did not want it to become overwhelming for Sha. The idea to appoint her as head of a new division of bodyguards was born.

“The most important thing to understand about the Priortorian Guard,” said Commander Prior, “is that it is not concerned with winning wars. It is not concerned with servers. It is not even concerned for soldiers. It is here for one reason and one reason only: protect the Commander. Of course, by protecting the Commander, you are helping the army. But these bodyguards should be understood as having tunnel-vision objectives.”

That is why, when applications opened, Prior said, “…do not treat an application to the Priortorian Guard as just another fun thing to be a part of in RFCP. It is a serious job…”

Those not deterred were instructed to apply via DMs to Major Sha, who they will directly report to in this division. The interview process is still underway, but as of today, four candidates were accepted, bringing the total of the Guard to five. It is not expected to grow much more, as both Prior and Sha want the Guard to be extremely tight.

In general, RFCP is excited for the new division. “Protect Papa,” said Sergeant ShyGuy, “and Papa protects all of us.” We have a statement too from the head of the Guard:

“Commander Prior Bumble has been through a lot during his time in RFCP,” said Major Sha. “My hope for the Priortorian Guard is that it will focus directly on the commander and his safety alone. The goal is to keep the commander safe and provide him an extra wall of protection. Both his real life security and his RFCP life reputation are a priority to Priortorian Guards. Guards are being chosen very carefully because Prior Bumble’s safety is valuable to me. I don’t want just anyone in this division.”

A striking characteristic of the Priortorian Guard is also how it has been compared to CANC, the feisty trolling club led by Cena. Fresh from the locked #priortorian-guard channel, we smuggled an excerpt from Sha’s introductory speech to the new Guards that addressed this.

So, the Priortorian Guard is CANC, but only for Prior. The behavior of the Guard will be carried out publicly and privately–in DMs and in servers–and they will cooperate much like how CANC unifies behind a singular target and deploys as one unit.

Of course, this division will not expire upon the absence of Prior Bumble, either. It will take up service to the next Commander when that happens, but, much like the American Presidential Secret Service, it is expected that some Guards will be assigned to protect all former Commanders for life.

RFCP will always be watched. It will be scrutinized. Its every move evaluated. Part of that is because of the dynamism of Prior Bumble.

And part of that is because we are important enough to be worth targeting.

The Two Commissars, and the Scepter of Power

If you consider yourself educated on RFCP culture and government, you’ll have noticed that the army has been doing something illegal for the past two weeks. 

If you don’t know what’s being alluded to, however, keep reading.

After the retirement of Prior Bumble, Red Baron Opino3 was named successor, Commander in Chief, and 2nd leader of the Recon Federation. He took the helm of an army shook and heartbroken at the departure of its longtime patriarch and beloved creator. The goodbye battle against PCP was heavy with symbolism. Each room had significance to RFCP. First, the EPF room, where the army was founded. Prior wore his OG outfit.

Then, the cove, where all its sacred ceremonies were held (here, Prior ordered soldiers to surround the fire, and for tactics performed a full recitation of the RFCP enlistment oath).

Other tactics included “June 5, 2019,” RFCP’s birthday, to which Cena replied, “7/23/2019,” the day Prior and Cena first DMed and began one of the closest and most dynamic friendships in Club Penguin army history. Cherished Prior memes, like “I’m speechless by that ruling…” and every phrase of Penguin Latin known to the army also graced the event.

Finally, of course, came the iceberg. Soldiers arrived to gasps at the unexpected presence of Lucky Quinn, donning his famous green jacket and perched on the submarine.

Then, with only a few minutes left in the battle, and after an execution of Red Wave, Prior’s computer crashed.

He led the rest of the battle on his phone, where he wrote as tactics: “PRIOR NEVER LEAVES US.” and “HE LOVES US. HE LOVES US ALL.” The final words were, “Goodbye, my soldiers. Be strong.” Tears ran down the faces of everyone involved.

Prior Bumble left the server.

Naturally, the recovery and acceptance of this was different for all.

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is image0.jpg
By ShyGuy

EDITOR’S NOTE: We requested a transcript of Prior’s final battle speech, but Prior wished not to publish it in this post, so that it be left sacred in the RFCP server only for his soldiers, at least until a later date.

The following days under Commander Opino’s leadership saw incredible challenge. Four longtime members of the army had just been banned for a heinous offense to the army’s cybersecurity. Then, RFCP gained an unthinkable enemy. In the wake of sentimentality after Prior’s leave, PCP officer and dear friend of Cena, Katsuki, joined RFCP for the second time. An enraged Cena announced he would go to war with RFCP. 

Just because he was retired, though, Commander Prior was not unreachable. He had left every server, RFCP included, but his DMs remained open to his beloved successor. Opino reached out.

So Opino did not. Upon learning that war was imminent, Katsuki folded, quitting armies altogether, and Cena apologized to RFCP for threatening war.

RFCP’s climate was shifting, and many struggled to gain balance. Opino’s EU timezone forced him to wake up to dozens of DMs hours after conflicts occurred. Many demanded he be everything like Prior, some demanded he be everything but. The full weight of RFCP’s notoriously single-handed, autocratic leadership fell upon the acclaimed first Red Baron. 

Days passed. Prior, as he’d always promised, had no intention of now returning to the army. But the words of encouragement and counsel he gave Opino were not enough to convince the weary new Commander to stay.

 Opino confided to Prior that he would step down, and that the burden of 1ic had extinguished his joy in armies. Meanwhile, pressure had been coming from other fronts. The messages urging Prior to return were more than requests: they were straightforward “You need to come back.”

That is when Prior dropped Commander Opino and Commissar Der into a group chat. The three of them were aware of the problem at hand. And the three of them knew they needed to solve it in that room.

Here is where one of the most significant moments in RFCP history occurred: all the absolute power of the RFCP rested as a metaphorical scepter on the table between these three people. Open for the grabbing. And all three people looked at that power, authentically hesitant to take it for themselves. 

None did. 

Prior did not want to go back on his word. And his reasons for choosing to retire were still true. Opino did not want to retrieve the awesome weight of the position. And Der, while willing, felt unready, that her time was not quite here yet.

The trio, under Prior’s command, had dealt with womanly drama a couple weeks ago. A private meme was made among them after Prior had said,

When the power stalemate became apparent, the three of them changed the group chat name to:

It still exists today. 

After hours of deliberation, all three of them refusing command, the decision seemed to be made for them. 

Shad, a former Uncle of RFCP (the army’s highest non-enlisted honor), wrote and spammed a (yet again!) weird anti-RFCP, “Prior bad! Shad good!” article in which Shad wrote he’d like to “see Prior’s empire crumble.”

The opportunity was irresistible. 

Prior seized the scepter. He rejoined the RFCP server.

Commander Opino abruptly stepped down as 1ic and transferred the position to Prior. And Prior wrote:

RFCP soldiers then flooded Shad with pings and DMs thanking him for “bringing Papa Prior back.”

So the obtuse angle in RFCP leveled some with the premature return of Prior Bumble. But an awkward problem arose. 

Under section 8, part C of the Constitution of the RFCP, the role of Commissar, 2ic, is described as to be held only by one person.

How, though, could Commissar Der be demoted? How, too, could a former Commander go back to 3ic?

Neither option seemed acceptable. To anyone. Der and Opino, even before the retirement, had served as the closest officers and counselors of Prior Bumble. So it was decided that something extralegal would be done. 

Prior declared:

“No formal amendment to the Constitution will be made. Instead, in light of these special and unusual circumstances, I have moved to allow a temporary stretching of the rank of Commissar. Only for the duration of Opino’s and Der’s time as Commissar will RFCP allow two. Once one of them is no longer Commissar, the position will return to strictly allowing only one.”

So there you have it. If you have only now noticed, RFCP has been functioning under unique circumstances and officially has two Commissars, 2ic–Der and Opino. 

Of course, this breach of the Constitution should not be taken lightly. If this can be breached, even for reasons of logic that RFCP’s three highest ranking authorities agree to, what stops anything else from being altered at the wave of a flipper?

RFCP blog followed up and asked Prior under what authority he made this extralegal declaration. Prior looked at our reporter and did not reply immediately. But we didn’t budge until we got an answer. The result was brief. 

“I’m the goddamn Commander.”