If you consider yourself educated on RFCP culture and government, you’ll have noticed that the army has been doing something illegal for the past two weeks.
If you don’t know what’s being alluded to, however, keep reading.
After the retirement of Prior Bumble, Red Baron Opino3 was named successor, Commander in Chief, and 2nd leader of the Recon Federation. He took the helm of an army shook and heartbroken at the departure of its longtime patriarch and beloved creator. The goodbye battle against PCP was heavy with symbolism. Each room had significance to RFCP. First, the EPF room, where the army was founded. Prior wore his OG outfit.
Then, the cove, where all its sacred ceremonies were held (here, Prior ordered soldiers to surround the fire, and for tactics performed a full recitation of the RFCP enlistment oath).
Other tactics included “June 5, 2019,” RFCP’s birthday, to which Cena replied, “7/23/2019,” the day Prior and Cena first DMed and began one of the closest and most dynamic friendships in Club Penguin army history. Cherished Prior memes, like “I’m speechless by that ruling…” and every phrase of Penguin Latin known to the army also graced the event.
Finally, of course, came the iceberg. Soldiers arrived to gasps at the unexpected presence of Lucky Quinn, donning his famous green jacket and perched on the submarine.
Then, with only a few minutes left in the battle, and after an execution of Red Wave, Prior’s computer crashed.
He led the rest of the battle on his phone, where he wrote as tactics: “PRIOR NEVER LEAVES US.” and “HE LOVES US. HE LOVES US ALL.” The final words were, “Goodbye, my soldiers. Be strong.” Tears ran down the faces of everyone involved.
Prior Bumble left the server.
Naturally, the recovery and acceptance of this was different for all.
EDITOR’S NOTE: We requested a transcript of Prior’s final battle speech, but Prior wished not to publish it in this post, so that it be left sacred in the RFCP server only for his soldiers, at least until a later date.
The following days under Commander Opino’s leadership saw incredible challenge. Four longtime members of the army had just been banned for a heinous offense to the army’s cybersecurity. Then, RFCP gained an unthinkable enemy. In the wake of sentimentality after Prior’s leave, PCP officer and dear friend of Cena, Katsuki, joined RFCP for the second time. An enraged Cena announced he would go to war with RFCP.
Just because he was retired, though, Commander Prior was not unreachable. He had left every server, RFCP included, but his DMs remained open to his beloved successor. Opino reached out.
So Opino did not. Upon learning that war was imminent, Katsuki folded, quitting armies altogether, and Cena apologized to RFCP for threatening war.
RFCP’s climate was shifting, and many struggled to gain balance. Opino’s EU timezone forced him to wake up to dozens of DMs hours after conflicts occurred. Many demanded he be everything like Prior, some demanded he be everything but. The full weight of RFCP’s notoriously single-handed, autocratic leadership fell upon the acclaimed first Red Baron.
Days passed. Prior, as he’d always promised, had no intention of now returning to the army. But the words of encouragement and counsel he gave Opino were not enough to convince the weary new Commander to stay.
Opino confided to Prior that he would step down, and that the burden of 1ic had extinguished his joy in armies. Meanwhile, pressure had been coming from other fronts. The messages urging Prior to return were more than requests: they were straightforward “You need to come back.”
That is when Prior dropped Commander Opino and Commissar Der into a group chat. The three of them were aware of the problem at hand. And the three of them knew they needed to solve it in that room.
Here is where one of the most significant moments in RFCP history occurred: all the absolute power of the RFCP rested as a metaphorical scepter on the table between these three people. Open for the grabbing. And all three people looked at that power, authentically hesitant to take it for themselves.
None did.
Prior did not want to go back on his word. And his reasons for choosing to retire were still true. Opino did not want to retrieve the awesome weight of the position. And Der, while willing, felt unready, that her time was not quite here yet.
The trio, under Prior’s command, had dealt with womanly drama a couple weeks ago. A private meme was made among them after Prior had said,
When the power stalemate became apparent, the three of them changed the group chat name to:
It still exists today.
After hours of deliberation, all three of them refusing command, the decision seemed to be made for them.
Shad, a former Uncle of RFCP (the army’s highest non-enlisted honor), wrote and spammed a (yet again!) weird anti-RFCP, “Prior bad! Shad good!” article in which Shad wrote he’d like to “see Prior’s empire crumble.”
The opportunity was irresistible.
Prior seized the scepter. He rejoined the RFCP server.
Commander Opino abruptly stepped down as 1ic and transferred the position to Prior. And Prior wrote:
RFCP soldiers then flooded Shad with pings and DMs thanking him for “bringing Papa Prior back.”
So the obtuse angle in RFCP leveled some with the premature return of Prior Bumble. But an awkward problem arose.
Under section 8, part C of the Constitution of the RFCP, the role of Commissar, 2ic, is described as to be held only by one person.
How, though, could Commissar Der be demoted? How, too, could a former Commander go back to 3ic?
Neither option seemed acceptable. To anyone. Der and Opino, even before the retirement, had served as the closest officers and counselors of Prior Bumble. So it was decided that something extralegal would be done.
Prior declared:
“No formal amendment to the Constitution will be made. Instead, in light of these special and unusual circumstances, I have moved to allow a temporary stretching of the rank of Commissar. Only for the duration of Opino’s and Der’s time as Commissar will RFCP allow two. Once one of them is no longer Commissar, the position will return to strictly allowing only one.”
So there you have it. If you have only now noticed, RFCP has been functioning under unique circumstances and officially has two Commissars, 2ic–Der and Opino.
Of course, this breach of the Constitution should not be taken lightly. If this can be breached, even for reasons of logic that RFCP’s three highest ranking authorities agree to, what stops anything else from being altered at the wave of a flipper?
RFCP blog followed up and asked Prior under what authority he made this extralegal declaration. Prior looked at our reporter and did not reply immediately. But we didn’t budge until we got an answer. The result was brief.
“I’m the goddamn Commander.”
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