Archive for January, 2020

The Retirement of Prior Bumble

Wednesday, January 29th, 2020

Soldiers of RFCP, 

This is your Commander speaking, for his last post as 1ic of the Recon Federation of Club Penguin. 

We knew this day would come, as hard as it is for both you and me. For the past 48 hours I have been working hard to make this transition as easy on my home as possible. I have been preparing Commissar Opino in DMs every evening. I have been compiling a database that can assure we don’t have to lose our family once armies totally perish. I have left every server except RFCP, which will be my last. 

Ten years ago, little Prior met a man named CollinZfresh in an igloo. Ten years ago, he became second in command of the People’s Republic Army. He idolized his leader. 
The life that passed between then and now was hard. And one June day, he brushed off his helmet and felt the call for something greater. 

Complete, pure chance, something miraculous, assured that after a 10 year disappearance, I caught the last year of existence for Club Penguin armies. To finish the legacy of Prior Bumble. 

What is that legacy?

Prior Bumble is RFCP. Full blooded. 

He refused to no-show RPF when we were 3 weeks old, and made sure RFCP never no-showed a battle since. He refused to merge when we were 4 weeks old. He refused to step down from the helm when RFCP was attacked and tortured. He, alone, refused to leave the sacred ground of the iceberg at Northern Lights to our enemies, keeping watch for 5 hours. He refused to collapse to defamation. He never considered reforming. He never apologized for RFCP. He never surrendered.

I ask to be remembered as:

  • The founder and first Commander of the RFCP
  • The father of CPW
  • Its first Admin
  • The man voted best leader by allies and leagues
  • The brother of Cena (Pretzels 1ic), Edu (EGCP 1ic), and Sage (Mopia 1ic) 
  • The papa of his soldiers
  • The patriarch of his home
  • The OG veteran and 2ic of the PRA
  • The ruler of Northern Lights (everywhere) and Blizzard (CPR)
  • The hyperdominant, flirtatious alpha (eyyy)
  • The revolutionary who shook armies from the day I set foot in it again
  • The only opponent of ACP in the modern age (yeah, that’s right–it was me logged into Xing’s account leading the Templars against you, ACP). Hell I even made it a few days longer than you, Koloway.
  • The storm of aggression and forgiveness, temper and love
  • A man who relished his absolute power. But who tried to use it with heart.

I follow the footsteps of CollinZfresh upon his retirement, of Oagalthorp whom I knew and fought with. I design my own end, which no one has forced me or intimidated me into. As I looked up to CollinZfresh and was inspired to take his place a decade later, I hope I am that model to some of you. In your youth. In the beautiful life ahead of you. I hope I was a positive father figure, an example of a strong man and husband, a demonstration of a firm leader with sacrifice and a good deal of darkness. Maybe you will think of me as you face challenges years from now, and what I taught you, what I made you feel, as I never forgot Collin. 

This is only the beginning of RFCP. I am excited to hear of its next chapters. I want to see it maxing 60 one day, easily. Stay in the fight. Do not lay down arms because of this post. Rage. Rain fire. Fight on Flash. Fight on HTML. Gnor ly’at fjor. 

I plan to write the history of Club Penguin Armies in a published and academic format under the name of Prior Bumble, my true self. If anyone considers themselves knowledgeable in its history from 2007-2020, please feel contact me on Discord to be a part of this project (I’ll allow friends to DM me, but will only leave the ghost of me anywhere else).With this book, I will immortalize this community and our story–leaders, armies, wars, and true psychological and social history–to the world.  

Please remember me. Defend me. Press forward for me. Speak of me to new recruits. Hold me in the heart of RFCP. Some retire because they’ve lost interest. This is not the case with me. RFCP is my life. My everything. My reason for pushing myself off the mattress and stumbling into the real world I’m still making sense of. I stood tall here. 6’2″? 6’1″? I still won’t confirm, but I will still voice reveal, so you will hear from me on the RFCP podcast Colonel Sha is launching.

I bless and authorize Commissar Opino3 as my successor and 2nd Commander of the Recon Federation of Club Penguin. As per the condition of his promotion, I name General Redbackwards the next 2ic, Commissar, of the army. I pass the staff of the Grey Polar Bears to Opino, but decided he will receive his own with a shaving of the wood from mine. I will keep the rest of mine. Because I can’t retire the feeling of being your guardian. It will always remind me that I am.

My sons and daughters. You forever will be a soldier of Prior Bumble. I am not gone. The war still thunders in me. I love you all with my whole heart. I love you more than I can understand. 

Erat ipso sacra.

Sch’ock sum nuvar.

Er feut dre ulm. So much.

Commander Prior Bumble #7593

RFCP

CMDR. PRIOR WILL LEAD HIS LAST BATTLE TONIGHT AT 7:00 P.M. EST AGAINST THE PRETZELS. JOIN HIM. Retirement does not mean losing his title; continue to address him as such out of respect.

Twelve Years Ago on this Date, Prior Bumble Retired from the PRA

Monday, January 20th, 2020

I remember my decision like it was yesterday. And I remember I didn’t retire because I no longer wanted to be in the PRA. I retired because I wanted to be in it too much. I didn’t turn in my resignation to CollinZfresh because I didn’t love my job. I loved it too much.

I loved the power so much I gave it up.

Ten long years passed. Ten.

Think about that.

Sometimes I thought about what Club Penguin armies made me feel. Sometimes I Googled their names. Collin. Glippy. Prior Bumble. But I always closed out…moved on…

I never thought I’d be back here. After ten long years.

Ten.

But I’m glad I am.

Thank you, Collin.

Thank you, People’s Republic Army.

Thank you, 12-year-old little Prior, for challenging yourself to be a 2ic, so that ten years later, you could be a better 1ic.

FEDDIEGATE! Are the Awards Corrupt?

Thursday, January 16th, 2020
Image result for evidence file image

Deceit! Deception! Democracy?

Recent allegations have arisen from some RFCP soldiers about the legitimacy of the Feddie Awards, RFCP’s semiannual honorific ceremony. Some even brought up the R word: rigged.

Can it be? RFCP blog investigated to bring the truth to our readers, and no holds were barred about asking the tough questions: even to the Commander-in-Chief. Read on for possibly our most shocking blog post yet.

Image result for evidence folder image

The Evidence:

  • Poll results CLOSED to the public
  • Categories the people did NOT get to vote on, such as “Most Dedicated Soldier”
  • Suspicious consensus about votes not reflecting the announced winners
  • The disappearance of Lucky Quinn
  • Suspicious homeostasis of winner distribution
  • TWO polls released, one less than 24 hours before the ceremony, no longer allowing write-ins??

The Suspects:

At an undisclosed location late Sunday night, the top four suspects were taken into custody for questioning. Cob–a well-known troublemaker, whose victory for Best Troll caused an outrage at the ceremony–spent 266 minutes under interrogation. Could he have manipulated votes to win? On the other hand, many gasped to see Cena as a suspect, as surely if he were behind any scandal, he’d have secured that trophy for himself. However, authorities surmise that Cena could have known he’d look less suspicious if he gave the Best Troll award to Cob, framing him so he could enjoy a spectacle of his own creation as CANC (the secret trolling organization Cena leads) is known to do. As for Prior Bumble, the most convincing evidence of his collusion is his power. If anyone has the power to change award results at the wave of a hand, it’s the Commander–and Sha is his right hand woman in event planning. But the question for those two is motive. Prior controversially did not accept his win for Fastest Officer, and he did not sweep in other categories. Likewise, Sha did not win her coveted Most Savage award, which went to her rival Coolj. If involved, the motives for Prior and Sha are entirely uncertain.

There is no forensic evidence of suspicious fingerprints or feathers on the envelopes containing the names of the Feddie winners. Where science trials run cold, RFCP press investigators turn towards an anonymous informant, who wishes not to be revealed for safety reasons.

Q: Thank you for your courage in speaking out about this matter. What gives you insight into this debacle?

INFORMANT: I work in data analytics for Google, and I used to oversee the EPF room technology at around the same time Prior Bumble rose to power.

Q: Do you know him?

I: I know him and Sha, yes.

Q: So after reviewing the evidence, what is your professional conclusion? WERE the Feddies rigged?

I: There is no doubt in my mind that the Feddies were rigged.

Q: How are you so sure? Authorities report that Prior Bumble was released only twenty minutes after questioning, they were so convinced of his innocence.

I: Exactly. Another case of the Prior Trance.

Q: So Prior Bumble did it?

I: I’m not saying for sure that he did it alone, but you really think anything happens in RFCP without him knowing about it?

After hearing such confident testimony, we caught up with the accused outside of his new office in Northern Lights, CPW. Commander Prior was carrying boxes from a moving truck into his igloo when we flagged him down.

Q: Prior, what do you have to say about the Feddie allegations?

P: Who the hell are you?

Q: Answer the question, please.

P: You don’t have credentials to be at this location yet. We’re in the middle of moving command rooms to CPW.

Q: We’re with the RFCP official blog and we demand your statement.

P: I write the blogs.

Q: In the third person, yes, we know.

P: Just be fast. This box is heavy.

Q: Same question–what do you have to say about the Feddie allegations?

P: The Feddies are ethically and fairly awarded.

Q: But IS it rigged? Do the votes even matter?

P: Excuse me? Of course the votes matter.

Q: So you deny that the Feddies are rigged?

At this time, a loud engine and screeching beeps from a moving truck drowned out the reporter.

P: I can’t hear you, son.

Q: DO YOU DENY THAT THE FEDDIES ARE RIGGED?

Security pushed out the RFCP blog reporter then as Prior gestured apologetically to his ear and carried the box inside.

The clear answer we couldn’t get from him, we got from another suspect, Sha.

Sha added,

As of today, no definitive proof has been produced to support the claims of Feddie corruption, but the jury is still out with a plethora of unanswered questions. Is Lucky Quinn ever reprising his role as host? When will the documents be released? Are there secret #command-room tapes? Does ZCA know about this, or are they in on it? WHAT was in the box Prior Bumble was carrying?

Or is everything innocent and in order, and paranoia is getting the best of us?

While no arrests have been made and the case might subside as new evidence becomes more scarce, RFCP blog reports this incident as Feddiegate. It will go down in army history.

Collision with Real Life: An Interview about RFCP’s First Meet Up

Thursday, January 16th, 2020

Last month, two RFCP soldiers transcended the digital barrier and brought the army to the real world. Field Marshal Shallissa and Brigadier ThatOneNoob organized a meet up in their home state of California. It would be the first time in RFCP history that a relationship the army made possible found its way into physical hugs, smiles, and company. We sat down with the two brave participants to see what RFCP in real life was like.

In these responses, S will stand for Shallissa and N will stand for Noob.

Q: What was it like colliding RFCP with real life?

N: Anxiety inducing

S: I was shook

Q: Why?

N: Mainly because I kinda liked sha and if I did a bad first impression i would feel like dying

S: I was scared I’d get catfished or murdered (no offense noob) but it was actually him so I lived

N: No offense taken. I thought I was gonna get shot.

S: The weirdest part tho was the fact that I visited him in the small town I had moved from.

Q: What was the first thing you said to each other?

S: “Hi.” Well we were on opposite ends of the park. And we had to do an awkward walk to each other. And I said “bruh wtf.”It was weird hearing him in person when I usually hear him on voice chat.

Q: Why did you not frolic to him like Little House on the Prairie?

Image result for little house on the prairie frolic

S: That is a good question. Noob did I frolic? I don’t remember.

(No reply)

S: @ThatOneNoob

Q: NOOBIO!

N: Sorry my grandmother was bothering me about something. You did frolic and you also wanted to eat mushrooms.

S: Oh yeah I remember that. They were wild ones.

N: I wasn’t sure if you were serious or not but I liked hanging out with you even though it was kinda awkward at first

S: I wasn’t serious lmao. It was kinda awkward but it was fine after a bit

N: and then you had to go and i was sad… and also tasted dirt

S: Anyways, we both come from a small town. At one point we were in RFCP and both living in the same town, a few miles from each other, and had no idea.

Q: Just like Prior and Wolfy. That’s nuts. How much was RFCP in the back of your minds during the meet up?

S: The whole time. Because like it was the reason we met and were able to meet up.

Q: Did meeting each other reaffirm your feelings about the goodness this army attracts? You both are exceptional people.

S: It made me realize how many good people we have here. I remember talking in the CPA chat and saying I was gonna meet him. People were saying that people in army communities are so weird and creepy and to be careful. I didn’t really think anything of what they were saying because I haven’t gotten a creepy vibe from anyone in RFCP. (Other than Red when he called me plump smh). RFCP’s family demeanor attracts good people.

N: I am pretty sure that the goodness of this army attracted us both to meet up finally. I will not lie, I was having wild thoughts. [Thinking] if I were to meet Sha, I wouldn’t be sure what I was in for, but after all that I guess I had faith in this community and army. Thinking that maybe people are as who they seem. Genuine, Caring, Amazing, Intelligent, Loving. I never knew these kinds of people anywhere else. To this day, every single one of them played a role to helping me overcome this feeling of hatred and sorrow I have had for past couple of years. I think if I weren’t in RFCP, I would have been lonely and just more over depressed. Guess even people online have ways to reach to someone’s heart.

Q: Wow. This is so amazing. Are there more plans to meet up? Should we follow this ship?

N: I think we can make a plan to meet up once more. I wouldn’t be sure how. I wish i could meet up right now.

Noob and Sha even took some videos for Papa Prior, first trying to call him (“He’s gonna be pissed,” Noob can be heard giggling), and then both saying, “Hi Papa Prior” and laughing in a short clip.

The two gallavanters are not the only ones bringing RFCP into the real world, either! After a blizzard, Ice Corporal ShyGuy carved RFCP images and mantras in the snow for the world to see:

We love how real this army is, and when you bring its love into the physical world.

But remember, this army is real right now, to you, reading this post behind your screen. Just because it is digital doesn’t mean it isn’t as real as the world we see.

In fact, sometimes, it’s realer.

The CPW Inaugural Tournament

Tuesday, January 14th, 2020

RFCP joined the Spanish-based Penguin Army Force (PAF), PZF, and PCP in signing up for Club Penguin Warfare’s Inaugural Tournament, which took place January 11-12, 2020. The army’s journey to the gold was bumpy.

For a few days, anticipation that the tournament would pack a major punch that included armies like Help Force and EGCP–bringing the total signups to an impressive six–drew attention. But while these two armies originally pledged the likelihood of their participation, internal conflicts forced them to withdraw, much to the frustration of the CPW Admins. Nobody expected, however, PCP to follow suit. In the days leading up to the competition, PCP leader Cena enjoyed bantering with Prior Bumble about whose name would be on the first place trophy–and Cena swore it’d be Pretzels.

A less confident leader was R3tro, PZF 1ic, who hesitated on the signup trigger until the Thursday before. PZF, which typically maxes 5-7, has not joined a tournament contest since the 2019 CPA Summer Circuit in June. Realistic aversion to loss against larger armies keeps PZF lying low. Nonetheless, with an arena of only four, PZF saw value in the activity and stepped up to the plate. The brackets were designed.

Then tragedy struck PCP. Buddy, who shared the 1ic position with Cena and boasted a status as PCP Legend, deserted the army and dragged three highly regarded PCP insurgents with him. The Pretzels were shook, and apologetically informed the league that they were in no emotional state to skirmish. Unfortunately, this created a lopsided competitive tree.

RFCP met PAF in battle at the semifinals first, where the soldiers in blue dominated with an 18 max lead.

The “last time” Commander Prior referred to is when RFCP bested PCP in their hyped practice battle for the “Golden Pizza” on January 4th, where RFCP maxed 25.

PAF, however, admitted to struggling in their showing at the Inaugural Tournament semifinals. They maxed 11, and forfeited in the Stadium, the second room.

The event itself was a victory for CPW. It proved that the new league’s very own Flash cpps (a partner to the league’s upcoming HTML5 mobile cpps), only a week old, stood functional amidst almost 30 spamming users and bystanders.

An hour later, PZF showed for the required ten minutes to claim victory over the PCP dropouts. Commander Prior enjoyed debuting his official Admin attire as he observed the pizza bois stretch their legs on the new cpps.

RFCP soldiers eagerly inquired about the lore behind the eyepatch, to which Prior replied he’d dropped hints about it before. The blog offers a reminder, nonetheless. Commander Prior has worn an eyepatch when he is not wearing sunglasses ever since late October, to symbolize his battle wounds in the War of No Return.

He got sentimental at his first CPW event as an Admin.

With PCP not showing for the 3rd place match the following day, PAF scored an easier win than anyone desired for the bronze. PZF confronted RFCP in the finals, however, with a max of 6 to RFCP’s rather lukewarm 15. What is significant about this is that PZF reported the first technical bugs of the tournament, claiming that 5-6 members struggled to make a CPW account due to an error. 1 RFCP soldier, Corporal October Leigh, reported an identical issue. Had those problems not occurred, the numbers would have been 16 RFCP and a whopping 11-12 PZF, something the gluten-laden army has not seen in ages.

The battle was fun, with Commander Prior’s most popular tactic being the staged storytime with Papa Prior where he read the tale of the “Sad Pepperoni.” Both armies teased each other about their first battle–RFCP’s first official army combat–where Prior behaved as a leader of old, throwing only snowballs and charging into PZF. That the two Federations cumulated their relationship from that starting point to this fight for the gold was nostalgic for both.

CPW Admin Jamie declared RFCP the 3-0 winner. Prior and R3tro’s concluding exchanges in the #battle-room were tender.

So while RFCP takes the gold, to many, the real accomplishment seems to rest with PZF, who won the silver. R3tro said, “[This tournament] helped in cementing the idea that were no longer a 3-5 max army.” CPW was proud to provide the incentive that boosted the confidence, morale, success, and even numbers of a small army, which, in turn, boosts the health of the Club Penguin warring community as a whole.