The Recon Federation of Club Penguin is an official Club Penguin Army founded by Prior Bumble, a CPA Legend and original army veteran from 2008. We are one of the strongest and most renowned armies of the modern era. Join us today!Â
The army is praying for everyone affected by COVID-19. / Soldiers! Remember to practice Internet safety. / RFCP was founded June 5, 2019. / The Constitution of the RFCP is over 3,000 words long. / “Erat ipso sacra!” means “Hold the sacred ground!” in Penguin Latin. / Club Penguin armies have been a subculture of Club Penguin since 2006. / Northern Lights is the longstanding capital of the RFCP. / Prior Bumble has personally spoken to Club Penguin creator Lance Priebe. / RFCP’S first war was called the War of Smoke and Sour. We won! / There are currently nine officers serving in the army’s hicom (high-command). / The record for returning to armies after the longest absence is held by Prior Bumble, who returned after ten years. / RFCP wishes its closest allied leader, Cena, a joyful retirement. / The first documented armed conflict in Club Penguin history was known as the Color Wars. / Legend holds that Prior Bumble is a descendant of the Grey Polar Bears of Int’ai’uto. / RFCP’s current max record at a single event is 47 soldiers. / April 25 of each year is World Penguin Day. / Battles in original army conflict did not use tactics or formations, only size and snowballs. / In 2008, Prior Bumble served in the PRA as second-in-command. It was here that he fought alongside CollinZfresh and Oagalthorp (the founder of all armies).
NORTHERN LIGHTS, UKAHALA: Has Feddiegate gone too far? A stolen identity, some Constitution confusion, and RFCP’s newest news anchor emerges out of the darkness to tell the tale.
It started with a dare, but not just any dare: a dare so daring that it dared to be dared.
Last night, General Sillabye set out to complete the winning dare: reading the entire RFCP Constitution… backwards.
It took an hour and 47 minutes total, including talking time between amendments, for the dare to be officially completed. During the backwards reading there were some interesting words and phrases that popped up, providing a bit of comedic relief to Silla’s apparent mental anguish. One of the most notable word pairings was “Buck Bumble,” a backwards reading of “Bumble buck” that took on a life of its own when given a personality to fit the name.
Many asked and requested that someone give Buck Bumble life, and Microwaveable Hamster stepped up to the task, presenting RFCP with its very own creation: me, Buck Bumble.
Yes, I’m quite dashing looking, aren’t I?
I’m sure many of you have noticed by now in reading and looking at the screenshots of the chat provided thus far, that something seems out of sorts in the RFCP server, and I’m not just talking about Silla’s brain after reading the entire constitution backwards. If you look closely you can see that many members of the RFCP have changed their nicknames and profile photos to make a mockery of their own Commander, Coolj.
The change took place during the backwards reading of the RFCP Constitution, leading many to speculate that the reasoning behind the change was to point the finger at Commander Coolj for writing the infamous letter threatening Red Baron Opino3 not to announce the Feddies Awards. Perhaps the backwards reading of the Constitution was just a ploy, and people were discussing how to overthrow their Commander?
General Silla has yet to comment on the claims, and at the time of questioning her, another bomb was dropped on our RFCP friends: a mysterious and confusing new user had joined their server.
The messages sent by the user were all in code, but with Colonel CoffeeBean’s help translating, they worked out most of what the stranger was saying.
The full translation of the messages can be found in the newly-revived #feddiegate channel in the server. Most notably, Commander Coolj was absent at the time user 6610510810812 entered the server; could they have waited until he was gone to enter, or was the mysterious helper Coolj in disguise? Commander Coolj has not yet commented on these accusations, but rest assured, Buck Bumble is here to keep you informed on all the latest news. Now, back to Colonel Shy Guy for the weather.
Republican News Anchor with a Moustache Channel 4 News at 6
What do YOU think about the series of bizarre behavior taking place in the RFCP server following the revelation of another Feddiegate Scandal? Leave us a comment below to let us know your thoughts!
Northern Lights, Ukahala: As the 4th semi-annual RFCP Feddie Awards approaches, the Recon Federation of Club Penguin is struck by yet another round of Feddiegate!
Many of you have been around for a while and know all about the Feddie Awards, but for our newest RFCP family members and friends who may be confused, Commissar Hamster has provided an explanation:
In essence, the Feddies are the Oscars of the RFCP, but many of you are probably asking yourselves, “what is Feddiegate?” Simply put, Feddiegate is the RFCP equivalent of Watergate. It is a sabotage, or series of sabotages, made up by someone to prevent or delay the Feddies.
Earlier this evening, General Sillabye made an announcement that brought forth many questions, most of which are still unanswered:
It appears that the RFCP has once again been plagued by the nuisance that is Feddiegate. This seems to be corroborated by the reopening of RFCP’s old #feddiegate channel in our server; a channel in which we discuss Feddiegate occurrences and potential suspects.
So far, our suspect list seems to be a decent size, but we will need your help to figure out who exactly is behind the Feddiegate 4.0 scandal.
The Suspects:
Silla- Rumor has it that Opino doesn’t like Furbies, and everyone knows Silla loves Furbies so much, she has an entire channel devoted to the fuzzy creatures. Silla is also a talented writer, so the threatening note could easily have come from her.
Hamster- The Old Commissar vs the New Commissar? This is a tale as old as time. Could Hamster be feeling threatened by the reemergence of an old RFCP favorite, Opino?
Coolj- Coolj and Opino are close friends, but could there be some secret bad blood between the ex-RFCP-commander the current commander?
Anilia- Anilia is always sus. How is it that someone so in-the-know about everything happening in the RFCP has no clue who the culprit behind Feddiegate could be?
Billy Bot Thornton- Never trust a bot–they’re always up to something. Let us not forget that Billy was a prime suspect for our last Feddiegate scandal.
The New Host- Could the new host have tried to manipulate their way into becoming the host?
I, MicroHamster, will be reporting in as we get more information on this developing story. In the meantime, don’t forget to cast your votes for the Feddies! You can find the link in the RFCP server. Voting closes soon, so make sure you get your votes in!
Who do YOU think is behind the Feddiegate scandal? Leave us a comment below and let us know your thoughts!
NORTHERN LIGHTS, UKAHALA: If you want to play Club Penguin right now, RFCP’s Ukahala is the only option.
On January 12, 2021, every CPPS from Club Penguin Rewritten to CPPS.io crashed. Adobe Flash officially expired on this date, and CPR’s HTML5 version of the game also was not working.
“Adobe has removed Flash Player download pages from its site. Adobe blocked Flash content from running in Flash Player beginning January 12, 2021.“
But today, January 14th, 2021, after Prior Bumble and WaddleOn developer blackwhitebear8 spent all of yesterday working, Ukahala is running.
As of right now, RFCP’s personal CPPS is the first and only Club Penguin server alive following the Flash Apocalypse. This is an historic moment to celebrated, and one that will surely be recorded and remembered by army textbooks.
Ukahala runs on a downloadable client and behaves like an application. Once downloaded and running, the client will make a desktop shortcut (our official flag) on your PC and pull up Club Penguin when clicked.
All accounts already existing on Ukahala will work, too!
The download for Ukahala is a simple link, and runs for Windows. However, Linux and Mac clients are coming within the next few days!
By authority of Prior Bumble, who paid for and commissioned the CPPS, only himself (owner of RFCP), Commander, and Commissar may distribute this link. Please contact Cmdr. Coolj or Commissar Hamsterlover (henceforth with Prior referred to as the “Three Keyholders”) to receive the download link and begin playing! All soldiers bearing the link thereafter may NOT share it.
“I, Prior Bumble, have installed this client myself and promise to my soldiers and kin that it is safe and virus-free, and collects no identifying data of any sort. My army and followers who truly know me know that my word is trustworthy. As father of this army, it is my honor to provide.”
Quick FAQ:
Q: Is the download link to Ukahala safe?
A: 100%
Q: Is Ukahala still only for RFCP?
A: At the moment, yes. We are, however, conscientious of the fact that we have the only working CPPS in existence right now, and we may be looking to help others in the army community.
Q: Can any rank get access?
A: We will slowly tier access to Ukahala starting with higher ranks strictly for security reasons. Ultimate discretion is at the whim of the Keyholders.
Q: When will this become our main location for events?
A: Almost immediately. We are asking all of our soldiers to have Ukahala downloaded within 48 hours or so.
Q: I’m new or need to register a new account.
A: Same as before, only Prior Bumble can make accounts. If your request is approved by hicom, your new account penguin name, registration email, and password (both of the latter can and should be alternative, disposable information) must be sent to Prior.
Q: I can’t get it to work.
A: Make sure you copy and paste the link into a new tab on Chrome and press enter. Then, make sure to bypass any restrictions from your antivirus or pop-up blockers. Click run. If you continue to have trouble, please contact one of the Three Key Holders.
Q: What if we get hacked/attacked/leaked/raided?
A: It is very easy for us to remake this now that we have the code in place. It can be up again in just a few hours, with a new link replacing the leaked one.
Q: I am not a member of RFCP, but I want to play Club Penguin.
A: Please get in touch with an RFCP soldier (or if you do not know any soldier personally, comment here with your Discord name and ID tag and one will get in touch with you). That soldier must then contact an officer, who will escalate the request to Prior Bumble. You may be welcome!
Recon Federation of Club Penguin, you have made history once again.
NORTHERN LIGHTS, UKAHALA: If you’re wondering what Prior has been up to while RFCP forges on, read our latest op-ed. You’ll also have an opportunity to name one of the tank inhabitants!
We all fondly remember Starfish Prior.
And anyone who remembers the old war leader knows he loved animals. So it should not come as much of a surprise that he has introduced a saltwater aquarium to his life, and he has expressed a desire to share this joy with the army he still loves.
Uncle Cena was the first to know, via text message, of this new development in Prior’s life.
But it did not always go well.
Indeed, building a saltwater reef tank may harmonize with Prior’s Hawaiian shirt vibe, but it is a lot of work and research.
So far, the 60 gallon hexagon tank includes:
1 Blue Spotted Puffer
2 Clownfish
1 Cleaner Shrimp
1 Sea Cucumber
1 Anemone (which is an asshole)
2 Hermit Crabs
2 Emerald Crabs
2 Conchs
2 Snails
3 Sponges
3 Coral
1 Sand Sifting Starfish
Let’s introduce you to a few of the gang! *Names subject to change if a better name is discovered, obviously.
Beers the Puffer
Prior’s pufferfish is named Beers. Beers has a very sweet disposition and likes to hover in place low on the sand bed much like an aquatic hummingbird. He does nip at the starfish sometimes, but is very unsuccessful at annoying anything, because no one takes him seriously. Prior has not seen him inflate at all yet. Beers is named after the librarian crewmember of the same name on board the RMS Queen Mary.
Rongo the Ocellaris Clownfish
Rongo is named after the Polynesian god of agriculture. He loves to swim near the other clownfish and look down on this orange sponge and green candy-cane coral. He is a good little dude.
Murdoch the Dark Ocellaris Clownfish
No one messes with Murdoch, named after the First Mate of the Titanic. She is next to a yellow sponge and the green sea cucumber on the left. The cucumber is named De$hawn.
Rev the Hermit Crab
Uncle Cena got to name Rev. Rev is the smallest hermit crab, but the most deadly. He has already toppled the giant red sponge which is about 30x his size. Rev is pretty bad ass.
Harvey the Hermit Crab
The bigger hermit crab is named Harvey. Prior once had a land hermit crab named Herbert that he loved dearly, so the H theme is living on.
This is Harvey with a couple of unnamed snails. We genuinely aren’t sure what’s going on here.
Windex the Cleaner Shrimp
Windex loves to clean and usually hangs around that red sponge or on the live purple rock.
Elton the Starfish
This is actually a rare photo of Elton’s species, because he is a diva and only lives underneath the sand where we can’t see him.
BUT THERE ARE STILL FOURTEEN LIVING THINGS THAT NEED NAMES. Snails, conchs, crabs, and the new fish on their way soon.
Prior would love for YOU, the army, to propose and vote on names much like you did on choosing a neck tie for him. He will use one of the fishy names on an inhabitant in the tank and show you all. It makes him happy to share a little bit of this happiness with you too.
NORTHERN LIGHTS, UKAHALA: With good wishes to all for a fresh start, RFCP looks ahead on reasons to hope in the new year.
The first post of 2021!
The Recon Federation wants to extend a warm blessing to all its readers for renewal and strength as we say goodbye to 2020 in the physical world. Here in the world of armies, soldiers have much to look forward to.
January means we will soon hold our winter Feddie Awards! Will FEDDIEGATE strike again? Who will be honored at the ceremonies? It is perhaps the most anticipated event in the RFCP. If you’d like to help plan it, reach out to Gen. Anilia.
This month has also been selected by Prior Bumble as his prayer month for his soldiers–a tradition he observes twice a year (and has decided to continue despite retirement), much like the Feddies. Soldiers may reserve a night this month, and (if they want) specify a particular intention in their heart which they would like Prior to pray for. He will set aside an unbroken 10 minutes to pray for you. Please contact Col. Microham if you’d like a night to be remembered.
Finally, January will witness some interesting new developments in the governmental structure of RFCP and its divisions. Stay tuned for our bloggers to report!
Our best from the RFCP family online to yours at home. 2020 was rough, we know, so truly…Happy New Year! Even to all you lieutenants:
What are YOUR resolutions for the New Year, both in the material world and in RFCP? Comment below!
NORTHERN LIGHTS, UKAHALA: As penguins across the globe celebrate Christmas, RFCP shares some puzzles that are sure to spread holiday cheer!
In some way, shape, or form, approximately 2 billion people in more than 160 countries are celebrated Christmas this year! Our friends, both in RFCP and in the army community itself, are spread out across the world and there are many holiday observances. With all of the different occasions taking place in December, there are many that are overlooked, or just simply unheard of in various parts of the globe due to cultural or religious differences.
Below, there is a word search with some of the various holidays in December listed to find. As you can see, there are several reasons for people to be celebrating this December!
BODHI DAY BOXING DAY CHRISTMAS HANUKKAH HOGMANAY KWANZAA LAS POSADAS MAWLID NEW YEARS EVE SOLSTICE
Across the globe, holiday movies are a staple in many households. According to a poll, approximately 60% of American households watch at least one Christmas or holiday movie in preparation of the holiday season.
Below, I have badly explained a few film plots to some of the more popular Christmas and holiday movies; fill out the Crisscross puzzle as you solve them!
Across 7. Santa fails to make reindeer fly in a court room (4 words) 8. Festive son travels to meet his birth father for Christmas Down 1. Children have no concept of “stranger danger” (2 words) 2. Misunderstood boy hopes to save Christmas with a BB gun (2 words) 3. Girl dreams of mice and ballet 4. Man with heart problems steals Christmas presents 5. Bullied child saves Christmas and has a song written about him 6. Irresponsible parents forget their son at home (2 words)
Children and families everywhere also set out cookies and milk in anticipation of Santa’s arrival, but did you know that the tradition actually stems from the 1930s, during the Great Depression? Many parents tried to teach their children that it was just as important to give to others and show gratitude for the gifts they received on Christmas during that time of extreme economic hardship, and the message is still carried on today.
Help Puffle Claus get to the milk and cookies!
Regardless of where you are in the world, or what holidays you observe during this December month, RFCP wishes you all a happy and safe holiday season!
Leave a comment below and let us know some of YOUR holiday traditions!
NORTHERN LIGHTS, UKAHALA–Prior Bumble issues a message to the members of RFCP.
To my followers, in spirit and in the army, I speak courage to you, in hopes that you may know your worth.
During my time as Commander, nothing troubled me more than to see how much many of my soldiers struggled with depression or feeling lost in a world that moves ahead and leaves them behind. I was, as many recall, a boomer to Discord and online messaging in general. And so to see so many young people report to me and my officers truly heartbreaking struggles astonished me. It is not fair.
I have come to understand how much of an issue among young people this is, and have tried my best to relieve some of that pain both in my time as a crisis counselor volunteer and in the resources RFCP offers you. When it comes right down to it, sometimes I can do nothing more than wrap you in my arms.
Although those who ridicule us–many, I assure you, that still read this blog–criticize our kin-like structure, I must tell you that as a father to this army I want nothing more than for you to feel constantly supported, celebrated, and loved.
My heart soars when I receive emails from my soldiers excited and proud of themselves for a new accomplishment they are sharing with me.
But I also want you to know that I am smiling at you with a coach’s whistle around my neck even when you do not succeed in your endeavors. Even when you fall behind. I look at you and see Commanders in you.
The road to our destiny is not free of depression, doubt, and darkness. Here, or in the physical world. It is not easy to be RFCP. How much simpler would it be for our officers to quit RFCP, be joyously lifted up by our haters and welcomed, and forget about all of the stigma and challenges there are to being in the Recon Federation? But think how worth it this army must be if they haven’t taken that path. Let the officers inspire you.
Likewise, the road to our destiny–to becoming the men and women you were meant to be–in the physical world will be long and winding. You won’t always see that man or woman in the mirror. I know I don’t. And while you fall behind, each of you have a father in me that wants to pick you up and push you forward. And when you don’t want to get up, it hurts my soul as deep as it cuts into yours.
I leave you with this reminder: You are soldiers of Prior Bumble. Everything you’ve ever felt about me, the good stuff anyway–admiration for my leadership of all kinds–is inherently yours. You are my bloodline. As soldiers in this army, you are meant to become me and so much more.
Be soldiers: fight the depression, fight the dying hope. Fight the stigma. Fight everything that makes you sad to be you.
Because I am proud of you. Being you. Just as you are.
NORTHERN LIGHTS, UKAHALA: Meet one of the ancestors of Prior Bumble in this short story by Major Arne.
Roman had been out in the forest trying to catch some fish from the river, but somehow managed to get herself caught in a snowstorm, and lost her way back home. After stumbling through the frosty conditions for a while, she found an igloo and approached the door, keeping her flippers wrapped inside her coat and shivering from the cold. There was a warm glow from the light inside, and she could almost hear the crackling sound of a fireplace. She fell to the ground as she made it to the door, banging on it weakly as she collapsed. Prior Bumble heard the noise and rushed outside to find her lying face-first in the snow, unconscious.
After helping Roman inside the cozy igloo, Prior left her on the couch with a warm blanket draped carefully over her, and began to make some hot soup for her. Roman snapped awake a while later and looked around as her vision adjusted, noticing that she was now inside Prior’s igloo, and he was approaching her with a steaming bowl of soup.
“Prior…” said Roman. “I’m sorry for disturbing you.” She was equal parts nervous and weak.
“Don’t worry, Roman,” answered Prior. “You seemed to be doing pretty badly out there.”
Roman nodded and took the bowl, looking around Prior’s igloo curiously. There were all sorts of things on his walls–RFCP medals glittering in the firelight, colorings his soldiers had drawn him, even his red hat hanging on a peg. But Roman noticed a photo sitting in a wooden frame on the end table.
“Who is that guy?” she asked, almost without thinking.
“Sergeant Woodrow, veteran in the Color Wars. Full name is Wilson ‘Woodrow’ Bumble.”
Wilson (WHEEL-son) Bumble, mostly known as Sergeant Woodrow, is the great-great-grandfather of Prior Bumble. When he was a young boy, Woodrow and Eugedard Bumble (great-great-great-grandfather of Prior Bumble) were separated on a camping trip by a blizzard much like the one Roman found herself in. Eugegard searched for weeks, but failed to find his little son in the vast wilderness. The famiy grieved.
Luckily for Woodrow, a lumberjack found him and took good care of him. When Woodrow was older, it was no surprise that he developed some love for playing with the leftovers of the wood that had been cut down by the lumberjack guardian. This allowed Woodrow to make exceptional wooden toys, which his lumberjack guardian would sell for a good amount of coins.
Whenever people came around, they often found this little carpenter prodigie alongside a row of cut-down wood and gave him his nickname of “Woodrow.”
The lumberjack was saving all those coins for the future, so that one day, in his final years, he could build a bakery and an igloo behind it for he and his descendants to run, including Woodrow. Years passed, and Woodrow grew into a mature teen penguin who could now handle the responsibility of running such a bakery. The lumberjack had been looking for the terrain and materials to start building the bakery, but then something happened.
After an afternoon of chopping down trees in the forest, Woodrow and the lumberjack returned to see their house on fire! The lumberjack shouted for Woodrow to get some water to tame the fire while he attempted to save as many of their belongings as possible.
Woodrow sprinted to the creek and scooped as much water as he could into a bucket and attempted to run back without spilling any of it. However, when he leapt over a ledge to get home the fast way, he lost his footing and dropped the bucket far below. All the water spilled. He quickly headed back to the river to retrieve the lost bucket and gather more water. As he approached the river again, though, he heard a huge crash and turned to see the source. He felt a sense of dread fill him as he looked up and saw that the house had collapsed; the lumberjack was nowhere to be seen.
Woodrow rushed towards the remains of the house, tears building in his eyes as he frantically searched every outside corner through the rubble, but he couldn’t find the lost lumberjack anywhere. As he cried up to the sky, sobbing, the last ember from the fire burned itself out.
After what felt like hours, Woodrow managed to regain his composure, and he peeked inside one of the only standing doorways. What once had been his house now was nothing more than unrecognizable ashes. Only a single wooden knife was left–the lumberjack’s. Woodrow pocketed it and took a deep breath. He had to go to the main island, with nothing more than his axe, for help.
As Woodrow crawled to the Plaza, he saw that it was deserted; most of the island was. There were some hungry penguins here and there, but most seemed to reside in the peaceful Dojo. He sat down among some of the penguins outside of the Dojo and asked why the island was so deserted, fearing he already knew the answer. One of the penguins nearby confirmed his fears with a grim expression: their homes were raided.
“A group wearing red clothing raided our igloos and drove us out,” the penguin explained. “We have been stuck here since.”
“The same thing happened to me,” a second penguin chimed in. “What’s your name?”
“Just call me Woodrow.” He tried to grasp what had happened.
Woodrow saw the strangers soon become his friends as he used his abilities as a lumberjack to make campfires and shelters for them, and even small toys for the frightened children. He would sell the wood for money, managing to acquire scraps of food from the Pizza Parlor with his earnings. He took care of this group, and even tried to make them some new clothes–mostly blue fabric, because he couldn’t find very much variety in ink colors. The blue clothing eventually earned them the nickname of the “Blue Gang” when they defended the Plaza; using snowballs thrown at the opposing red raiders in a furious manner, with no real order or formation.
Eventually, Woodrow started to lead the affectionately-nicknamed “Blue Gang” in these situations, and the members jokingly started to call him “Sergeant.” However, he was later granted the role officially as invasions increased, due to the huge immigrant rise a year and a half before of penguins discovering the island. Woodrow managed to create a provisional model of the classic Snowball Blaster, which would launch explosive snowballs similarly to modern-day rocket launchers. However, his original idea was yet to be completed.
One night, Woodrow snuck into the Dojo. He had learned from others that all the ruckus in this town was because of the gang called the Red Raiders, who had taken over the Dojo. Blue Gang members snuck along behind Woodrow, vowing to protect him even if he did not know they were there. Some had their snow blasters loaded behind. Woodrow entered the place stealthily and quietly, and planted an explosive in the middle before he attempted to sneak away silently. However, he was surprised to encounter the rest of his friends from the Blue Gang there as he tried to make his escape.
Caught off guard, Woodrow tripped, falling on top of one of the red, opposing gang members, who woke up and tried to strangle him. Woodrow attempted to use his flippers to fight back, strong thanks to the years he had spent chopping down wood, but the fight managed to wake all of the enemy gang members up, including Korn, the self-proclaimed leader of the red gang. Korn ordered his gang to calm down and leave the intruder alone, completely unaware of the explosive that had been planted by Woodrow.
“Wilson ‘Woodrow’ Bumble. Oh man, the stupid lumberjack…” Korn said, laughing as he turned back to his soldiers. “This dumb guy even failed to carry a bucket!” After composing himself, he got more serious. “Now…” Korn said, turning to Woodrow as he demanded a response, “what were you trying to do? Answer me at once.”
Woodrow looked back at his friends, who were noticeably shocked by the fact he was a part of the legendary Bumble family tree. But they also seemed confused as to why Korn had called him stupid. Woodrow turned back around and attempted to rush at Korn, but Korn whacked him to the side without much issue.Ooph! Woodrow crashed into the wall. Of course, Korn could just order his red cronies to kill Woodrow in that exact moment, but Woodrow still had the explosive and knew it would detonate at any moment. He warned his Blue Gang followers to run.
The Blue Gang attempted to escape as the explosive detonated, but the bomb was more powerful than even Woodrow thought.
It shattered the windows of the Dojo and threw Woodrow, Korn, and several of the troops off the cliff. The Blue Gang raced back to the Plaza, deciding that they would return to the Dojo later to see if Woodrow had survived; not realizing that Woodrow and Korn had fallen down the stairs, landing in the Mine.
“Couldn’t beat me without any of your fancy gadgets…” Korn said, coughing. “It was almost as easy to beat you up back there as it was when we raided those peasant penguins’ igloos.”
Woodrow drew his blaster and shot Korn. Korn howled as a bullet of snow hit him. That was Woodrow’s cue to flee back to the Plaza before his injuries from the explosion and the fall that had followed got the best of him. He collapsed into the snow as everything around him faded to black.
A while later, Woodrow snapped awake back at the Dojo, tied up to a chair with rope. After looking around a moment, Woodrow determined that while he was passed out he had been kidnapped by the Red Gang, who seemed to have attempted to make the scene look more menacing by setting fire torches up all around.
“Look, he woke up!” said one of the Red Gang troops.
“Is he completely disarmed?” asked another troop, looking at Woodrow cautiously.
“I hope so,” answered the first troop, then changed his tone heavily, addressing Woodrow. “What have you done to Korn?”
“I-I shot him with a snowball blaster, Woodrow answered, feeling slightly scared. He hoped his flippancy would mask it.
The response seemed to confirm what the troops had already been thinking. They looked at him for a moment, before going to the other side of the room in an attempt to not be overheard by Woodrow, to no real avail.
“So, what are we supposed to do?” asked one of the Red Gang members. His voice was shrill with fright. “I mean, someone has to lead us now.”
Woodrow used their distraction to whip out his trusty wooden knife; the one he found in the ashes of his burnt home. He proceeded to saw the rope with it, but the red troops turned just as Woodrow stood.
“Hey! You! Stay where you are!” said another soldier, not really having a plan about what to do with Woodrow yet.
Following his instinct, Woodrow grabbed the chair he was stuck to and used it as a shield while he ran, despite not having any need to cover from snowball throwing, for obvious reasons. One of the Red Gang members attempted to grab Woodrow’s weapon to use it against him, but looked at the blaster in complete confusion while he attempted to figure out how to use it. Woodrow took the opportunity to shove the chair at him, knocking the troop over, and taking his weapons back.
Woodrow then shot him and proceeded to flee after having set in motion the events that would eventually finish the dark age known as the Color Wars.
After Woodrow had finally ended the reign of raiding terror on the island, he dissolved the Blue Gang, using some of the bounty that the Red Gang had to rebuild igloos for the Blue Gang members, helping some of them return to their previous lives. Woodrow then settled back into his regular life, but still kept the nickname “Sergeant” as a memento of all that he had been through.
When the other wars started, Woodrow helped some of the penguins affected as a medic, but with the clans now being more organized, there weren’t very many mass raids, unlike there were during the Color Wars.
Woodrow started a bakery, just like how his lumberjack guardian had wanted him to, alongside one of the refugee penguins he helped, Teyla Foster. The two eventually married and had one son together. The family made what we know today as the earliest Christmas cookies that would be mass produced later for Christmas parties. So popular were the cookies that Woodrow needed several more locations for his bakeries, and, one day, he visited the Town Hall to apply for more land grants. There, on the wall, hung an enormous oil painting of a war galley sailing on dark ocean water. The painting was signed Eugegard Bumble. Woodrow’s mouth fell.
With the help of the clerk at the Town Hall, Woodrow traced the changing ownerships of that painting, from museum to private collector to museum again, until, years later, he finally found his long last father, Commodore Eugegard. A surreal reunion with many of his Bumble siblings took place, but Woodrow shook as he entered into Eugegard’s bedroom as the old penguin lay dying. Eugegard wheezed and took his son’s flipper, a weak smile coming to his ancient face, and the two are fabled to have hugged for three hundred unbroken seconds. As they held one another and cried, legend has it that Woodrow’s little son caught the mixed tears of both in a glass bottle. This relic is believed to have magical properties and has come to be known as the Vial of Tears.
Vial of Tears
Woodrow was a warrior by blood, but not nature. He is remembered as the first humanitarian and philanthropist of the Bumble bloodline, and became a peaceful penguin after the Color Wars had ended. Most of the earnings from the bakery went directly to helping the refugees affected by the Clan and Color Wars. Sergeant Woodrow eventually passed away at age 62, as a result of the internal bleeding some of the untreated Color Wars wounds in his body. Soon after his death, Woodrow was honored by being made a legend of the Color Wars, but above that, he was known then, and is known today, as a guy who cared for the people affected.
“Wow…Woodrow really did a lot,” said Roman, trying to eat her now-cold soup.
“Yes indeed,” said Prior. “Sergeant Woodrow had quite the story to tell, and he might have been a war hero, but overall…” Prior smiled as he grabbed the photo and looked down at it fondly, “he was just a really nice person.”
What do YOU think of this story? Where is the Vial of Tears? Can you draw more illustrations for this tale? Comment below!
NORTHERN LIGHTS, UKAHALA: RFCP celebrated its second Thanksgiving with a surprise guest.
On Thursday, RFCP gathered at a circular table around a feast of fish. The Thanksgiving dinner was held at Commissar Hamsterlover’s snow globe igloo, elegantly decorated with grandfather clocks, fireplaces, and ornate white dining chairs.
Patriarchally at the head of the table, in a special throne, sat Prior Bumble.
RFCP Thanksgiving Portrait, painted by Norman Rockwell.
His presence came as a surprise to some, who cried all-caps greetings upon sight of him. All were silent then as Prior offered a prayer, in which he gave thanks, acknowledged the current sufferings in the world, and asked God for guidance in being a better, more sensitive, and move loving father-figure to the soldiers who stand by him. Following this, the soldiers shared intimate thoughts about our army, including how RFCP saved their lives from dark, painful places, and how this “beautiful family” gave them support they could not find anywhere else.
The army rejoiced in each other’s company with an incredible max of 15–a feat to note on a national holiday when most would not make time for computer hours. But RFCP is different, because on Thanksgiving, the idea of NOT getting together online as a family (even between obligations in real life) is foreign. Being a family on special occasions is what we do. We wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.
The officers of the RFCP wish to remind all soldiers how thankful we are for them, and our army encourages all readers to have gratitude for the blessings of health and kin. Please be mindful of those this year who were afflicted with grief and illness. We’re all in this together.
Posted on November 26, 2020 by MicrowavableHamster
NORTHERN LIGHTS, UKAHALA: RFCP has a revival of the cutthroat competition, Hells’s Kitchen. See how things are heating up in the blog that will leave you asking: Where’s the lamb sauce?!
From a cooking recipe channel in the RFCP server, to the Fruit Snacks Gang, and now on to the fourth official revival of Hell’s Kitchen–food has become a bit of a staple in RFCP culture. But what exactly led to the revival of RFCP’s favorite cooking show, and how is RFCP going about hosting this fiery competition? I sat down with RFCP’s very own Gordon Ramsay, Colonel Shy Guy, to get all of the spicy details about the competition thus far.
MicroHamster (M): What exactly led to the revival of Hell’s Kitchen?
Shy Guy (S): I was into Hell’s Kitchen and was like “Why not? Let’s do another HK event.”
M: Why HK? Is there a specific reason you chose that theme?
S: Back in the day, someone else and myself came up with the idea to make it. I was into HK at the time as well.
M: What is it that you like about the show so much?
S: I’d say it’s Mr. Ramsay himself. He likes to yell a lot and that leads to a lot of good memes. I’d say if I participated in HK, it would be an honor to be yelled at by him.
M: What is your favorite Gordon Ramsay quote or moment from the show?
S: (minute 8:48-8:56)
M: How do you like portraying Chef Ramsay in the RFCP version of HK?
S: Let’s get some astrology done. He’s a Scorpio, so obviously he’ll yell at them. I, however, am very calm, but if needed I will yell.
M: How do you think the contestants are doing in this season so far?
S: They are actually doing real good; there was confusion, yes, but they are doing well.
M: Any surprises in store for us this season?
S: It wouldn’t be a surprise if I told you (followed by his signature Shrek emote)
This week’s recap:
In the first “episode” of the newest season of Hell’s Kitchen, the contestants were split into two teams, Red Team and Blue Team:
The two teams were then instructed by Chef Ramsay (Colonel Shy Guy) to prepare him a dish, any dish. At the Chef’s demand, the teams raced off to serve up their best dishes to our favorite angry chef.
Chef Aniliaprepared a lovely dish of ramen noodles.Chef Random whipped up a delicious bowl of Prior-approved ice creamChef Dolepie went with a different approach to the challenge
Chef DJChorusKid and Chef MicroHamster went head-to-head preparing spaghetti dishes.
Chef DJChorusKid stepped out of the hypothetical box for a 3-D take on the classic dishChef MicroHamster kept it simple and went with a more traditional recipe
Chef Emma and Chef Chloe also went head-to-head, opting to draw carrots in hopes of impressing the abrupt and straightforward Chef Ramsay.
Chef Chloe created a classic and delicious looking carrotChef Emma‘s carrot was well-detailed and fit for a snack
Chef JustinTFC prepared a delectable beef wellington, one of the more difficult dishes of the evening, but has opted out of making the dish public, as it is a top-secret family recipe passed down for generations.
At the end of the night, the contestants anxiously awaited the results of the night’s competition, but were faced with a surprise when Chef Ramsay (ShyGuy) chose not to send anyone home.
Who will be sent home next week? Stay tuned to find out as things heat up in this ruthless cooking competition!
Who do YOU think had the best dish of the evening? Leave us a comment and let us know your thoughts!
