Introducing: The Priortorian Guard

At midnight yesterday, RFCP unveiled its latest division: the Priortorian Guard.

The Priortorian Guard is not a branch of RFCP’s intelligence division, Zero Cap Alpha. It is not a branch of server moderators. It is a completely new and independent division of elite bodyguards with the sole purpose of protecting the Commander-in-Chief of the army.

In ancient Rome, the praetorian guard served an identical purpose, and it is from this that RFCP draws the logo and name of the division.

Anyone familiar with Club Penguin armies knows that Prior Bumble is one of the most attacked and controversialized leaders in history. Assault on him began in mid September and persisted until just a few weeks ago when doxxers attempted to take him down. The threats he faces are real: political, mental, emotional, and, unfortunately, even physical. In response to such harm, Shallissa, an OG member and Major of the RFCP, undertook a rogue enlisted role in the army titled “Prior’s Bodyguard.” And bodyguard she was. She aggressively defended Prior, fought for him, and strategized his safety in a dangerous time.

It became apparent that this was a full-time job, and, although she showed no signs of tiring, Commander Prior did not want it to become overwhelming for Sha. The idea to appoint her as head of a new division of bodyguards was born.

“The most important thing to understand about the Priortorian Guard,” said Commander Prior, “is that it is not concerned with winning wars. It is not concerned with servers. It is not even concerned for soldiers. It is here for one reason and one reason only: protect the Commander. Of course, by protecting the Commander, you are helping the army. But these bodyguards should be understood as having tunnel-vision objectives.”

That is why, when applications opened, Prior said, “…do not treat an application to the Priortorian Guard as just another fun thing to be a part of in RFCP. It is a serious job…”

Those not deterred were instructed to apply via DMs to Major Sha, who they will directly report to in this division. The interview process is still underway, but as of today, four candidates were accepted, bringing the total of the Guard to five. It is not expected to grow much more, as both Prior and Sha want the Guard to be extremely tight.

In general, RFCP is excited for the new division. “Protect Papa,” said Sergeant ShyGuy, “and Papa protects all of us.” We have a statement too from the head of the Guard:

“Commander Prior Bumble has been through a lot during his time in RFCP,” said Major Sha. “My hope for the Priortorian Guard is that it will focus directly on the commander and his safety alone. The goal is to keep the commander safe and provide him an extra wall of protection. Both his real life security and his RFCP life reputation are a priority to Priortorian Guards. Guards are being chosen very carefully because Prior Bumble’s safety is valuable to me. I don’t want just anyone in this division.”

A striking characteristic of the Priortorian Guard is also how it has been compared to CANC, the feisty trolling club led by Cena. Fresh from the locked #priortorian-guard channel, we smuggled an excerpt from Sha’s introductory speech to the new Guards that addressed this.

So, the Priortorian Guard is CANC, but only for Prior. The behavior of the Guard will be carried out publicly and privately–in DMs and in servers–and they will cooperate much like how CANC unifies behind a singular target and deploys as one unit.

Of course, this division will not expire upon the absence of Prior Bumble, either. It will take up service to the next Commander when that happens, but, much like the American Presidential Secret Service, it is expected that some Guards will be assigned to protect all former Commanders for life.

RFCP will always be watched. It will be scrutinized. Its every move evaluated. Part of that is because of the dynamism of Prior Bumble.

And part of that is because we are important enough to be worth targeting.

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