RFCP Channels Catch Fire, Prior Bumble Urinates Out the Flames

And we here at the RFCP blog are wondering if there’s a medal for that.

At around 6:00 p.m. EST, officers began noticing smoke in the #news channel.

Although hicom attempted to control the situation without Prior, it got out of hand. He was summoned.

By this time, the flames had spread to#general-chat, #rfcp-summit, #gallery-and-media, and even #cold-ones-with-the-boys.

Prior rushed to the scene. His fatherly instincts kicked in–the kids were in jeopardy (@toom). So to act fast, he did the first thing that came to mind, what he’d called the “God-given right of manhood” only a few days ago.

A steady stream of

“I-“

Followed as well.

But the method was successful.

Prior “finished off” and looked at his achievement.

And so, it was blogged about.

We kindly request that Help Force investigate this matter promptly.

What the Puck! RFCP Launches In-Army Hockey League

And damn, did they shred ice! On April 5, 2020, RFCP established a formal ice hockey season within the boundaries of the army itself. The first of an expected series of several games was played between the Red Team and Blue Team, which renamed themselves the Tigers and the Sharks, respectively. That tigers are tropical animals and sharks cannot breathe oxygen are irrelevant matters.

Although within the traditions of worldly ice hockey, some rules were adjusted for play on Club Penguin.

Before face off, teams also must respect starting boundaries.

Teams were created by responding to polling in the RFCP server: Red and Blue (the two colors offering hockey uniforms on Club Penguin). That Commander Prior chose red is no surprise–his second favorite U.S. team is the Capitals. His first is the Hershey Bears.

From there, team group chats were made, names were selected, and captains were elected. The Sharks chose Pixie as captain, and, after offering others the position, Prior eventually accepted his teammates’ request that he serve as team captain as well. Anilia agreed to be the Tigers team manager, and Opino claimed goalie.

Red also assigned numbers:

The blog spoke to Pixie for an inside look into the blue team’s establishment as well.

BLOG: So tell us who the RFCP Sharks are.

PIXIE: Well first of all, I think you should check your sources, haha. We’re the Recon Sharks, and we’re the RFCP hockey team clad in blue!

BLOG: We’re using abbreviations to be as brief as your victory str–I mean, we’re asking non-biasedly. Give us insight into the teambuilding process that took place in your group chat.

PIXIE: Hah! Well, our group chat was pretty quick to go right into choosing a name. I’ll admit, it took us a bit before we finally decided on the Recon Sharks. Lots of ideas for the team name flew around, including Coolj’s idea of calling the team the DNC in order to rile the rival captain up a bit [Prior is a vocal “white upper-middle class male Reublican”]. Every member of the Sharks was eager to step up and help out, which I think is one of the reasons why our teamwork was so stellar. Sillabye offered herself up as goalie, which she played beautifully, and from there it was pretty easy for me to come up with a game plan for positioning and strategy. We also came up with a team chant: “SHARK BAIT OOH HA HA.” I think it helped boost our team spirit quite a bit.

For almost an hour, the teams strategized and prepared for the big opening game. The red team even drew up plays.

At the referee’s whistle, the game blasted off. Prior lunged for the puck and hit it before Pixie could steal. The shot bounced off the rim, evoking a growl from the frustrated center. Teammates swept in to jumble the puck to and fro from there. While the red team executed a breakneck offense in both periods, blue owes their win to goalie Sillabye, who staved off a remarkable six shots from red. The final score was 20-17 blue.

We asked Prior how he felt about the first game.

“I had a f***ing blast.” He grinned at us, which was surprising given the Commander doesn’t like to lose [see Rowan’s open letter #5]. “My heart was pounding, my palms sweated, and I smiled like a moron the entire time.”

It was nice to see the Commander so breathless and happy. We checked in with Pixie as well.

BLOG: The first game was aggressive and close. What do you expect for the rest of the season?

PIXIE: The first game went exactly as I figured it would. From knowing the Tiger’s Captain Prior Bumble, I expect him to use similar strategies for the rest of the season. As for the Sharks, we don’t plan on backing down. You won’t be needing to use abbreviations to be brief for long.

BLOG: We heard you and Prior, uh…met up? After the game? What was that about?

PIXIE: Oh yes, we did, ahem, “meet up.” A certain bet that was made needed to be seen through.

BLOG: Huh.

PIXIE: I won’t be commenting on it any more than that.

And what should fans expect from the rest of the season? Well, the teams themselves are tasked with deciding how many games will make up this series, and that meeting has not yet occurred. A Stanley Cup of sorts is anticipated to be awarded at the end. Best of all, fans can tune in to the RFCP YouTube channel for recordings of all the games.

Ice hockey is a sport sacred to penguins everywhere thanks to the rink on Club Penguin’s home island. But Commander Prior thinks the sport can become another sacred, unique cultural trait of RFCP itself.

“We’re not interested in playing other armies here,” said Prior. “Red, Blue, we’re all RFCP. Ice hockey is my favorite sport, and I’m thrilled to be playing it competitively right here in-house.”

Cult Penguin: RFCP Does Cult Stuff

Hey all you cool cats and kittens. As you know, due to the singular authoritarian leadership of Commander Prior Bumble and the subsequent affection that follows, RFCP has been accused of being a cult. Naturally, the army responded by ramping up its cult activity tenfold.

Recently, Papa Prior even began having his soldiers call him Bhagavan, which means “god” in Sanskrit.

…Mhmm.

But ritual ceremonies are not complete without cult weddings. Tonight, at 10:00 p.m. EST, Prior Bumble took several wives: Pixie, Roman, Sha, Leeuigi, and Coolj.

Before they could drag him to the honeymoon suite, he ran away to Corporal Drewls’ igloo for sanctuary. This enraged the wives. So Prior escaped once more, into the wilds of Club Penguin island, and said the first wife to find him wins first dibs at Bhagavan Prior.

His hiding place was excellent.

BREAKING! RFCP and ACP Merge into One Army Following Historic Meeting Between CSY and Prior Bumble [hoax debunked]

This post was confirmed an April Fool’s Day joke from both armies.

Today, on April 1, 2020, something occurred in Club Penguin army history that shook the very foundation of two of its most powerful and aggressive entities.

RFCP and ACP have agreed to merge into one new army, the AFCP (Army Federation of Club Penguin Recon).

We didn’t ask, we demanded to speak with Prior about the news that will surely shock the soldiers, and maybe outrage some.

BLOG: Prior…what the hell?

PRIOR: Why don’t you try starting that sentence again.

BLOG: Prior…what…happened?

PRIOR: RFCP and ACP may have been the biggest rivalry in Club Penguin armies, but CSY and I have been working on our foreign relations for months. Talks kept happening, and we both got more and more tired of the tension and saw more and more potential in combining our strength. I don’t command quietly. Whatever I do, it’s to be historic.

BLOG: But how will soldiers possibly merge? There’s a lot of animosity.

PRIOR: Our hicoms are working together. We want this to be a smooth transition, maybe even one that teaches harmony.

BLOG: Will there be a new Discord server?

PRIOR: Yes, we’re working on it now.

BLOG: How will this work out with ranks?

PRIOR: Equivalent, or close to equivalent, ranks will be distributed.

BLOG: And you’ll still be Commander?

PRIOR: I will be Commander–sharing the 1ic with CSY.

BLOG: Will there be story time still?

PRIOR: Of course! More crowded, but as loving as always!

BLOG: Does this make you an ACP 1ic, and CSY an RFCP 1ic?

PRIOR: We’re AFCPR 1ics. But…I’ll let the philosophers debate your last question.

Readers, we are as speechless as you. What will this mean? We expect many more news posts to address this development and encourage you for now to stay strong, calm, and reach out to officers for greater clarification.

Erat ipso…defend freedom, preserve justice…sacra.

Credit: Koloway

UPDATE:

Now that RFCP branding is available, RPF has decided to adopt it.

ANOTHER UPDATE:

RFCP was taken over by monkeys.

STOP RIGHT THERE! RFCP Opens Patrol Division

On March 20, 2020, RFCP opened its newest division: Patrol.

What is this new division?

Because RFCP originated with in-game role play, the new patrol division struck a chord with die-hard RFCP members. Since its opening only eleven days ago, 70 patrols have been conducted, making it the most popular division in the army at the moment.

Of the seventy, only two reports required further intervention from officers. Although the Patrol Division is one of the lowest clearance divisions in the army, details of those reports are classified.

Some controversy arose between the Warden, Raider, and the Commander over Commissar Opino’s patrol of Northern Lights, CPATG. Is that server ours?

“Northern Lights, CPATG, will always be ours,” said Commander Prior. The Warden’s rejection of the patrol was overruled.

“I have noticed the same peculiar detail the Commissar did,” said Prior. “CPATG presents that one user is online Northern Lights, and only Northern Lights, at all times, but I have never located the source of that. I’ve made the conclusion that that user is me. Always there. On the iceberg. Like that fateful night I stood watch.”

Patrols are not just for fun, however. Information like that mentioned above, and data on other armies’ activities on our servers (especially since we own the most populous server in existence, Blizzard, CPR), aid RFCP’s intelligence. On top of that, patrols also are logical necessities for armies participating in CPW. According to CPW rules, resources like gold, oil, lumber, stone, and silk can be stolen if at least three members from another army log onto that server for at least thirty minutes without being interrupted by the defending army. Finally, patrols instill a sense of pride and identity in RFCP’s nation.

The Warden, Brigadier Raider, gave an interview for this post.

BLOG: Brigadier Raider, Prior selected you as the Warden of the Patrol division. How did you feel when you found out this great responsibility would rest on your shoulders?

RAIDER: https://tenor.com/view/apu-simpsons-humming-bird-gif-12727028

BLOG: Can you…put the emotions of that picture into words for us?

RAIDER: runs around like an excited child in a candy store

BLOG: What do you hope to see the Patrol division accomplish?

RAIDER: Being ultimate badasses and keeping RFCP lands safe.

BLOG: For soldiers interested in going on patrol, what tips to ensure optimal performance do you have for them?

RAIDER: When you enter a room, look around CAREFULLY; move your mouse cursor around in case there is someone hiding behind a crate or a rock, etc. And don’t be lazy sits back in recliner absolutely NO half-assery in my division cracks open Dr. Pepper and gulps if you wanna do a really clean sweep, check each room at least twice.

BLOG: Does having a Patrol Division make you feel patriotic towards the RFCP?

RAIDER: Yes, very patriotic.

BLOG: What do you look for when you’re reading soldiers’ patrol reports? Do you notice any trends about time of day or servers with specific activities?

RAIDER: Mostly I pay attention to the “specific activities,” like a box cult or people chanting/dancing etc., because most likely it’s a training or an enemy recruitment.

BLOG: Have you ever had to alert Prior? What is the protocol when there is a significant report? We hear a whistle (!ai 194) was just added to the equipment requirements for all patrols.

RAIDER: I’ve never had to alert him…yet. The current protocol for an alert is Code Alpha Zeta Black Doom: Alert the Warden first and the other patrols. If need be, alert the Commander. But hopefully the Warden and the rest of the patrol members will have that type of situation under control.

BLOG: There has been some discussion of reducing the patrol pay from $15 to $10, but allowing soldiers to conduct three paid patrols a day instead of two. How do you feel about this, and do you take the payment of your patrols as something of paramount concern to you?

RAIDER: It’s the same amount of money but for one more patrol. The payment isn’t of massive importance, because the safety of our servers is top priority.

BLOG: Would you find patrols worthwhile without pay?

RAIDER: I believe most soldiers care more about the safety concern than the money.

BLOG: What life skills do you hope patrol teaches our soldiers?

RAIDER: Attention span, hostile situation defusing, and I hope it’ll teach them how important our servers are to us.

BLOG: Spoken like someone who truly cares about his division. Any final comments?

RAIDER: Whenever you’re feeling down or hopeless, eat Oreo’s, seriously. They do wonders for your mentality.

So, RFCP. Ready to get out there? Report in to the RFCP #patrol and get boots on the ground today.

Let’s make sure the world knows we truly defend what’s ours.