On April 14th, 2020, the RFCP held its first formal trial since September.
A user named Ded Bushes entered the server and met the typical interrogation of RFCP’s vetting team. His story raised suspicion. According to Bushes, he had come across RFCP at a recruitment “days ago,” just now decided to join, and was currently in the middle of getting McDonald’s late at night during a global pandemic.
At the nod of the Recruitment Coalition, which did not approve of his clearance into the server, the RFCP attack dogs on duty, Maddie, Liam, Pixie, and Sha, initiated the process of barking him out. “We’re not McLovin’ it,” they said.
Then, Prior arrived.
His vibes were indeed likeable. Everyone silenced but exchanged skeptical looks. Prior waved Bushes in and kept an eye on him. Then, the two began to to DM. The DM conversation raised more red flags, which Prior offered to ZCA.
The ban hammer was dropped.
The dust settled. All was quiet. Then…
A little ping appeared in Prior’s DMs. Young Ded Bushes appealed his ban. And Prior, well, he still liked the vibes. It was decided that a trial would be held.
Prior ordered a court room server created. He announced he’d be taking Bushes on as his client.
This move shocked the army. The Commander himself defending someone his entire intelligence division recommended banning for the safety of the Federation?
“Justice knows no color,” said Prior.
It seemed like the moment for action he’d been waiting for was finally upon Prior (he’d demonstrated his conviction towards social justice frequently in weeks past).
So the media gathered and buzz reverberated through the streets and cities.
The Recruitment Coalition hired Sha as the plaintiff.
The Honorable Judge Justice Wright presided over the court.
Liam and Pixie served as the Jury.
RFCP flooded in to watch in the read-only court server, as they discussed in #summit.
At the bang of the gavel, all rose in the court. The Honorable Judge Justice Wright invited the plaintiff to list the charges. Ded Bushes was accused of the following:
- Entering the server with the intent to spy
- Falsifying information about his Club Penguin/Puffin whereabouts
- Lying to the Commander
But before the prosecution could deliver the evidence, Prior Bumble, esquire, stood.
Prior was allowed, and he held his lapels while speaking.
Sure as molasses did Prior’s southern charm woo the observers back home in #rfcp-summit.
Then the defense plead not guilty on all three accounts.
But the plaintiff, who Prior addressed as “Ms. City Pants,” was not impressed. Sha began laying out her evidence to the court.
The defense then called a witness, Microwaveable Hamster, who countered that it is indeed possible to play Club Penguin on Puffin while also operating Discord.
“I’m on both Puffin and Discord simultaneously at work,” Micro testified before the court. “So, it’s not impossible.”
This charge seemed all cleared. Then the defense, uh, took another hit…
The plaintiff moved to the evidence for their next accusation, pointing to Ded Bushes being a spy. The prosecution declared that Ded Bushes accidentally sent a DM to Prior that said, “ok he stopped dming me.” Hmmmm. To them, it sounded like that was a mistake, and that it was a message meant to be sent to someone receiving information through Bushes.
However, the proof Ded Bushes supplied to show this “annoying friend” really existed did not quite match up to the timestamps…
Ded Bushes sent the “ok he stopped dming me” to Prior at 1:44 a.m. EST. The screenshot he provided, meant to explain who “he” was, if the message was really not an “oopsie.” was from 11:03 p.m. MST.
Perhaps in an effort to distract the court from the shaky defense, Prior Bumble, esquire, then stood and spoke out once more. He attempted to repaint his client as an upstanding citizen.
He implored the jury to give Bushes a chance, because all of us are still learning how to do the right thing.
So desperate was the defense, that they then turned to invalidate the plaintiff on the basis of intoxicated conduct in voice chat.
The plaintiff responded with a memo against Prior Bumble, @toom.
Finally, it was time for the jury to decide. Pixie ruled ban, Liam ruled clemency. It was a hung jury. A third, Opino, had to be called in.
Jaws dropped when Opino ruled clemency.
Prior dropped some links in celebration.
And so, Ded Bushes was allowed to join the army.
Now, the blog would like to discuss what really happened here. The trial was all fun and games, but Commander Prior knew all along that Ded Bushes was sent in to spy on the RFCP, ever since the “ok he stopped dming me” happened.
Readers:
For weeks, an ex-soldier named Luckyluigi (also known as Luca) has been trying to raid and attack the RFCP. Since leaving the army, for no reason other than hatred against Prior Bumble cultivated in him by Eva, Dawn, and Emma, Luca has been a former PIC 1ic and now is one of the lowest ranks in Moshi’s rebirthed LGA. He remains obsessed with RFCP, though.
Worse of all, Luca has been targeting the most vulnerable–young children– to do his dirty work against RFCP. He singles out RFCP’s Silver Thirty members (young soldiers) in DMs in an attempt to convince them to spy for him.
So far, he has tried to manipulate Justin, Hirijo, and now Ded Bushes, all who are between the ages of 10-15. This problem has become so incessant that hicom even made an announcement in RFCP’s young soldier channel.
RFCP is very aware of what Luca does. The army is committed both to assuring no information is fed to Luca through any mediums, but more importantly to protect our young members–and even young non-members hired to sabotage us–from being used as pawns. Ded Bushes confessed everything to Prior, and Prior embraced him and praised his courage for telling the truth. Ded Bushes blocked Luca.
We are taking little Ded Bushes in now, and we remain dedicated to being a loving and supportive resource to all people, even those who attempt to hurt us, not really knowing why.
Erat ipso sacra, little Ded Bushes. Erat ipso sacra.
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