The Feddiegate 3.0 Files

Posted on January 29, 2021 by Arne

NORTHERN LIGHTS, UKAHALA: Missed Feddiegate and want to rehash all the juicy details? Join in and inspect the notes of Reporter Arne!

As evidence about who is behind Feddiegate 3.0 piles up, Reporter Arne steps into the spotlight to bring you the latest updates on the Feddiegate fiasco.

On January 15th, Red Baron Opino3 publicly stepped down as host of the Feddies after receiving a letter warning him that a terrible thing that would happen to him if he were to go through with it.

The Feddiegate 3.0 conspiracy became public and the #feddiegate channel was reopened; to learn more about this, see RFCP’s previous blog. It was on this day that Commissar Hamster noticed a payment of $200,000 Bumble Bucks made to Gen. Sillabye in the RFCP bank spreadsheet, but she did not yet come forward about the exchange.

While there weren’t any clues at this time, shots were fired between all soldiers, as friend turned on friend and suspicions started to arise about who the perpetrator was. Major Randomplayer10 tried to organize a Minecraft Bow Duel between Field Marshal Justin and Commander Coolj, with the condition that the loser would expose all that he knew about the Feddiegate. However, it devolved into mayhem soon after, as none of the participants confessed and nothing was accomplished.

Nonsense was still being thrown in the air on January 16th; including theories about fake Arne clones and involvement from past advisers. All of the accusations came to a crashing halt as a mysterious visitor with the username 66105108108121 joined the server. The user sent several cryptic messages, that were later discovered to be written in binary speech, in our #general chat.

66105108108121 stated that RFCP’s Feddies were corrupted to the core and introduced himself as a mysterious informant who had somehow penetrated our security system. They said that they would help solve the mystery, but only in clues as they feared for their life. The investigator team quickly ripped the clues apart, and Uncle Satchmo and I (Major Arne) found out a hidden clue referring to the musical play Hamilton.

Hamilton is a historical musical about the life of Alexander Hamilton. [SPOILER ALERT] At one point in the play, the protagonist, Maria, has an affair. When Reynolds, the husband of the woman involved in the affair, finds out, he blackmails Hamilton into paying him so he will keep the affair secret. In the letter, he wrote “I hope this letter finds you in good health,” which can be found in the blackmail letter Opino3 received as well.

To add to the symbolism, 66105108108121 stated “Who knows how to say no?” which sounds like the title of a song in which the affair takes place called “Say No to This.” This led to a theory in which Opino3 is accused of having an affair with Sillabye (since she is a Hamilton fan), pissing former Red Baron Jamie (his husband) off, causing him to blackmail Opino, like how it was depicted in the musical. When asked about it, 66105108108121 replied that both had a secret, but Silla had a bigger one.

Silla however, debunked the theory by stating that Opino hated Furbies, so they couldn’t possibly ever have a relationship, or even an affair. This put everyone back to square one, and led to a bunch of nonsense theories about various things including: the number four, Coolj, apes, Nicki Minaj, and April Fool’s pranks (due to some pings Opino made) while she slept.

By January 17th, no advancements had been made, but it was revealed that one of the first messages that 66105108108121 made sent an icon that meant “Micro,” drawing suspicion to our own Micro, Col. Microwaveable Hamster. However, all of the evidence and clues seemed to be going nowhere. The one key thing that was found this day was 66105108108121’s suggestion to “follow the money and see where it goes.”

Lead banker Commissar Hamster was called into the equation on January 18th, when she finally revealed what she knew about the mysterious $200,000 Bumble Buck transfer to Gen. Sillabye. I interviewed Sillabye, and she confessed that the money was given to her to “do her part and stay silent,” which we thought meant writing Opino’s blackmail. The transfer of the exorbitant amount of money took place on the 14th, a day where no other action happened at the bank.

January 19th seemed to be the busiest day in Feddiegate history. The day started with an obvious declaration: “Only the Commander can give such a big amount of money to others.” All eyes immediately turned to our own Commander Coolj, but he refused to talk or cooperate with questioning. 66105108108121 then stated that every officer wasn’t necessarily in the clear, but the biggest advancement was the confirmation of 66105108108121’s real name, Billy. Billy also confirmed that the RFCP Bankers and the other suspects we already had (Silla, Opino, Coolj, and Ham) are or could be guilty.

Billy started sending cryptic messages and pictures with missing parts, soon revealed to be a puzzle. The puzzle was a series of messages sent to three people: DemonTFC, Randomplayer, and Satchmo. The messages contained more binary code, and included screenshots from the bank. These screenshots with the bank ID numbers correlated with that of the accounts of three different suspects: CoolJ, Hamster, and Opino.

This evidence led to the confirmation and reconfirmation that Sillabye was being blackmailed. Many people started speculating and drawing baseless conclusions on other members in the army, but interrogations soon devolved into chaotic roleplay and once again, nothing was achieved.

Coolj accused Coffee of using the Billy account as a cover, which was a load of barnacles, but it still convinced Random to try and set up another bow duel. Everything immediately came to order when new evidence was literally laid on the table when a hicom member leaked the Officer to-do-list. Billy had previously said that the payment Silla received could crash the economy, which was mentioned in the list, but the Officer to-do-list said they had to convince Opino that the $200k wouldn’t destroy the economy.

Uncle Satch stated the following: “Coolj transferred the money to Silla to send the letter. Coolj does not have access to the bank spreadsheet, so he had Ham, the only active banker, transfer the money.” A few minutes later, Billy declared that he needed a meeting with the three key players of the investigation: Arne, Satchmo, and Randomplayer. Satch created a group chat, where Billy spilled a landfill’s worth of beans.

Billy claimed that we had the culprits, but not their reasons and causes; that we needed to find the truth, ping him, spread it, and stop their plan. Billy also stated that if we failed, they would accelerate their plan.

Meanwhile, Gen. Anilia claimed to have found a letter in the trash with suspicious writing on it. It was heavily crossed out with black ink, but it read as it follows:

More empty paranoia was thrown around, but after a while, what was decided to have been deciphered from the letter was:

A theory that Opino set up Feddiegate 3.0 just to get himself out of hosting the Feddies was then brought forth by Uncle Satchmo. Satchmo reasoned that Coolj had decided Opino would be the host of the Feddies, without consulting Opino about the decision. When Opino found out, he confronted Coolj and told him that he didn’t want to host the Feddies. Coolj, scared of being taken for a fool, created this whole plan. With the help of Hamster, he was able to transfer Silla’s blackmail money without anyone knowing it was him. In writing the letter, he was careful to add a Hamilton reference to it so that Silla looked even more suspicious, considering that she is a big Hamilton fan.

To finish up the day, Sillabye gave us two major advancements for the investigation. She posted a semi-crumpled up piece of paper that had been sent to her a few days before. It read as it follows:

The second advancement was a declaration that the puzzle was almost complete; we just needed to assemble all of the pieces.

Uncle Satchmo then arrested all three of our main suspects and interrogated Commander Coolj, who instead of answering questions, demanded that Silla pay her rent for her Furby channel, #ohgoshwhydidweletsillahaveafurbychannel.

January 20th was our final day of Feddiegate 3.0. By 11:35 AM EST, I decided that we had enough information, so I spoke with Random and tried to leak the hypothesis to the world and crack the case. Despite this, Random wasn’t convinced with our current hypothesis put forth by Satchmo, and it was decided that we would not go forward just yet. The information however, was still put in #feddiegate, and in the most MVP moment of the investigation, Satchmo put all of the pieces together and formed our definitive hypothesis:

“Coolj wanted Opino to host the Feddies so he decided he was gonna be the host. Opino then told Coolj he didn’t want to host. Coolj, not wanting to take the blame for partially ruining the Feddies, decided to blackmail Silla, who has not been paying her rent. Silla, who has access to the bank, added 200k BB to her account so that people would eventually find out she was blackmailed. She then created the fake HiCOM meeting report trying to show who blackmailed her in secret. While writing it, she accidentally wrote the wrong date.

“The letter that Anilia found in the trash is from Coolj. In the letter, which was written for Ham, Coolj claims that Silla runs the bank, not Ham. “Silla will take the fall. I know she’s your friend, but stop having sympathy. She runs the bank anyway.” Ham made us believe that Silla is taking a break from running the bank. If she’s taking a break then why is she still getting payed for it? She’s still getting paid because she still runs it. Throughout this entire investigation, a mysterious account by the name of 66105108108121 has been giving us clues. After decoding the name, we were able to deduce that this was no other than Billy Bot Thorton [throwback to Feddiegate 2.0!], who was actually was the one helping us the entire time. He wanted to expose Coolj, Ham, and Opino for what they have done.”

12:52 PM. JustinTFC, after my request, pinged the entire server, and I, Arne, presented Satchmo’s hypothesis, thus ending Feddiegate 3.0. Then Billy came along and was like, “Welp you screwed up a bit.”

But he then confirmed that we did uncover the main mystery and that he was proud of us. After some initial skepticism and a brief trial against all three of our culprits, the Feddiegate 3.0 conspiracy was considered finalized and we were ready to enjoy a peaceful awards ceremony this 23rd of January. The end.