NORTHERN LIGHTS, UKAHALA–A controversial debate has flooded the army server, and soldiers are picking sides. Is sparkling water repulsive, or revitalizing? Read on for this whirlpool of a story.
Water is a pretty huge staple of the Recon Federation of Club Penguin (RFCP). Years ago, Commander Prior Bumble‘s affinity for the high-end, tropical brand Fiji water caught on as a trademark of his, and thus of the server. Fiji water is an emoji, a bot, and, of course, a critical component to extinguishing RFCP’s many server fires.
However, last night, Fiji water’s superiority faced a challenger.
Cmdr. Prior and Capt. Krispy were chilling on voice chat when the topic of sparkling water arose.
Above is a screenshot of the words of Cmdr. Prior in #voice-chat-transcript. No, the person he was speaking to is not a little e-boy with a code script who deleted all his/her DMs with Prior. The person was Krispy responding on voice chat with Prior responding on text. After Prior had left their delightful conversation to grab some water, Krispy guessed it was sparkling water, and the uproar began.
What seemed like hours of debate ensued, including some spicy memes and Krispy cracking open a La Croix in front of Prior seductively (as in, to make the water look alluring, but go ahead and get some screenies for future use anyway).
Finally, in outrage, the Commander posted in #polls.
Now, the whole army rose to duke it out.
Probably most famously, Krispy insisted that sparkling/seltzer water accomplished what still water could not: Getting all the “nooks and crannies” of your throat to quench the thirst.
NOOKS. AND. CRANNIES.
Commissar Coolj got unhanded as well.
Damn. Water can SIZZLE.
But….the numbers don’t lie. Currently, the poll stands at 13-10, with most agreeing that sparkling water is gross.
Of course, this “infighting” is all in good fun, with theatrics abounding. The real fighting? We’ll leave that to our upcoming battle against a foreign army next week.
Drink up.
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