Prior Bumble Kills Grasshopper

NORTHERN LIGHTS, UKAHALA: RFCP reporter Pink Cloud delivers a stirring and controversial post about the Commander’s murderous ways.

On 18 of August, 2020, on a Tuesday, our Commander kills a grasshopper.

Our Commander felt terrible after brutally killing the poor grasshopper, but there was nothing he could do about that now.

Prior Bumble said that he put holy water on the grasshopper, which he carries around in a glass bottle with him everywhere he goes, just for the purpose of blessing deceased animals he comes across.

This can be evidenced in another comment from him nearly a year ago.

Prior also claims that the grasshopper was quite old and large, perhaps a way to make himself feel better.

But Prior Bumble stayed with the squished grasshopper on the path after the accident.

We thought the grasshopper died at exactly 11:18 p.m. IST. But then…

Most people are demanding for a funeral for the grasshopper, but some argue it survived. Who knows; the grasshopper might even haunt Prior Bumble.

I interviewed our Commander. Here was his reply:

Q: When did the grasshopper die?

A: I stepped on it on my afternoon walk earlier this week.

Q. Was it in the backyard when you stepped on it?

A: It was on the path towards the Civil War ruin.

Q. Do you think the grasshopper survived?

A: No Yes.

Q. Did you perform any rituals on the grasshopper?

A: I did. I stayed with it and prayed for it so it was not alone. Usually, when I see a dead animal, I sprinkle Catholic holy water on it too.

Q. Anything extra that you would like to say?

A: I have rescued gnats from my cereal before. I try to never harm a living thing.

Reporter

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