The Whack-A-Mole War

Posted on September 24, 2019 by priorbumble1

RFCP emerged victorious from its third war with the Lime Green Army, dubbed the Whack-A-Mole War.

This declaration came in response to LGA scheduling invasions of Cold Front, Deep Freeze, and White House, making their record 3/3 for being the first party to initiate conflict in this modern-era rivalry. What’s unique, however, is that at the time of this war declaration, LGA owned zero servers. This is how the name “Whack-A-Mole War” was conceived by Commander Prior: if and when an LGA server popped onto the map, RFCP vowed to “Whack-A-Mole ya” back to nonexistence.

The conflict came on the heels of DKA and WH’s war with WN, called the War of Sea and Shadow. DKA earned steady victories in this war, and RFCP remained neutral at the promise of a non-aggression agreement with WN. The only term to this agreement was that WN not cooperate with the LGA.

Inch by inch, this term was broken, and soon, LGA soldiers donned Ninja attire and fought in the war against DKA. Wild Ninja leaders attempted to patch up the holes flooding water into the sinking ship of RFCP and WN’s agreement, but it was too late. Commander Prior offered an interview with CPA reporter, Hexxer, on the matter:

Hexxer: Why did the RFCP decide to join the War of Sea and Shadow?

Prior Bumble: RFCP was not intending to get involved in this war. It seemed like a good opportunity for our former colony to grow and stretch their legs, which they certainly have done. I am even, in fact, fond of the Wild Ninjas. But our non-aggression agreement with WN had one stipulation: that they cannot work with LGA. Almost immediately afterward, they broke this. We stood back watching blatant, name-glowing LGA fight on the Ninja side, but when LGA declared their invasion of WH’s Yeti (CPATG), that was our last straw. If LGA is coming to play, we will too.

Hexxer: How do you think this war will play out between RFCP – LGA – WN?

Prior Bumble: As I told Snork and Cena, if RFCP is provoked, this will be brutal and swift.

Hexxer: How do you intend to win the war? What are some of your plans?

Prior Bumble: I don’t see this as my war. We’re coming in to make some quick corrections and heading out. My goal will then be accomplished.

Hexxer: In your opinion, why did the WN decide to break the agreement between you and them, and work with LGA?

Prior Bumble: WN is characteristically an independent and isolated army. I think they felt pressured and like they were running out of options. I get it. But I hope they didn’t think I wouldn’t notice.

Hexxer: After you’ve accomplished your goals, will WN and RFCP become mutual again?

Prior Bumble: I can’t speak publicly about that at this time. But I hope we can return to “nice event :clap: :clap: @Prior Bumble” soon.

Hexxer: If the LGA drops out of the war, will RFCP too?

Prior Bumble: Perhaps not immediately. But that would expedite our departure.

Hexxer: As you wish! Is there anything else you want to address in this topic or say anything at all?

Prior Bumble: Strength is not devoid of love. Be strong and remember we are all humans behind this dark screen.

As promised, RFCP delivered a quick slap to the wrist on WN, seizing SuperCPPS server, Yeti.

This was followed by DKA and WH dropping out, leaving RFCP to field attacks from two fronts: the Ninjas and the Limes. EGCP, a close brother of RFCP, expressed intents to aid RFCP against this dual-assault, but found itself in a difficult position, as WN is their ally as well. To assuage this tension, a quick negotiation was executed between the Ninjas and RFCP. RFCP traded server Yeti, which they had just acquired, for server Husky, as WN preferred to retain their SuperCPPS territory.

Nice trade! :clap: :clap: @RFCP

The parties still in the dispute were now only LGA and RFCP. This strange aftertaste evolved into the Whack-A-Mole War.

The first conflict considered under the jurisdiction of the Whack-A-Mole War debuted with the defense of Deep Freeze, a decisive RFCP victory.

RFCP collected another rapid victory at a late invasion the same day of Yeti, to which LGA did not show.

From this point, aggressively bipolar timed warfare ensued. LGA’s invasions were scheduled at 8:00 a.m. EST (White House and Yeti) and, later, as early as 7:00 a.m. EST (Ice Bank). This was due to LGA stating that “timing” was their biggest ally with their new “AUSIA” division.

RFCP was faced with a moral question. Commander Prior did not want to ask any of his soldiers to rise so early for the army. However, in its entire history, the RFCP has never, not once, no-showed a battle. It did not seem the RFCP way.

So, astonishingly, Generals Sha and Cabin made the heroic decision to lead these early morning battles not to win, but to defend the honor of the army’s values.

To add a touch of humor to the matter, with Prior’s permission, some soldiers wore pajamas with their uniforms.

Whatever LGA scheduled early in the morning, RFCP yanked back deep in the night. This bred ire in #battle-room.

But this “AUSIA” division was really just Fresh, Karma, Greeny, Milamiala, and Snapple waking up before the school bus, and one AUSIA member, Pyxell.

It wasn’t until the 7:00 a.m. battle that Prior truly released his wrath. “Honestly if you’re waking up at 4:45 a.m. PST just to have a server for a few hours more power to you.” It was one of his less tempered moments. Some attempted to return controversy by accusing RFCP of staging a couple 11:00 p.m. EST invasions in its past, to which Prior replied that, “11:00 p.m. EST is fine for some EST players, all PST players, while 7:00 a.m. EST is fine for NO ONE.”

EGCP made thoughtful comments to this as well.

In NVA leaders’ chat, Cob remarked:

And promptly, in the #battle-room:

Miraculously, maxing 11, RFCP won this 7:00 a.m. battle anyway.

And at all other reasonable hours, RFCP triumphed.

RFCP taking back White House after losing it to an 8:00 a.m. invasion.

The Whack-A-Mole War stayed true to its name as, only one at a time, the server map blinked on and off neon green.

The war climaxed surrounding the struggle for Wool Socks. Wool Socks saw an 8:00 a.m. EST invasion by LGA, who maxed 8 to RFCP’s 11. However, LGA leaders were especially pushy on this battle, claiming superior tactics, and RFCP relented quicker than it should have in the absence of any awake admins and a deficit of awake RFCP officers.

Although Prior argued this when he woke up as manipulation by the LGA, he was unsuccessful, and the LGA victory stood. Immediately, a retribution battle for Wool Socks was planned. Commander Prior set an intense goal of maxing 23. And more, the battle was to be led by General Cabin (who’d faced the unfair manipulation that morning), so that the revenge may be his alone.

The battle was explosive. RFCP maxed 22, a mere soldier away from Prior’s aggressive goal, which he said, “Only wasn’t 25 after the Commissar talked me down.” The pushing was worth it, with dazzling results and stellar tactics by General Cabin.

This crushing RFCP victory effectively ended the Whack-A-Mole War. LGA refused to sign a treaty, claiming they saw no point to it, but they conceded that RFCP were the victors.

After the Peninsula Wars, RFCP had held a victory parade, dressed in RFCP’s formal attire, the white Admiral jacket, as opposed to the standard blue Admiral’s jacket.