The Economy’s on Fire! For All the Wrong Reasons

Posted on March 24, 2021 by Arne

NORTHERN LIGHTS, UKAHALA—Fires! Fires! More fires! RFCP burns down several channels, including the bank! What does this spell for the future of the RFCP economy? Keep reading for an exclusive look and a few laughs at this satirical article!

The Recon Federation of Club Penguin (RFCP) has a long, complicated history with server fires. We’ve had many in the past couple of years, with the most recent one taking place during February, thanks to an abandoned Olympic torch in #news. We’ve had a growing awareness on preventing server fires between soldiers and hicom (high command) members recently though, so we’re making some progress.

However, early last Tuesday morning, the cycle repeated itself. Commissar Hamster woke early and said she smelled smoke, probably originating from our channel #gentlemen-with-cigars-and-brandy. She didn’t quite approve of the smell, so she lit up a scented candle. Curious officers, such as Vizconde Don and myself, sniffed around the candle.

This vanilla-scented candle (Hamster’s favorite) smelled pretty good. However, things in #news quickly took a drastic turn for the worst. Hamster smelled something else burning, and I immediately realized that the candle’s wrapper was actually catching fire too! Don attempted to help by picking it up, but he accidentally dropped it to the highly-flammable floor of the #news channel.

The flames expanded rapidly due to the gas from the cigar smoke from our formal #gentlemen-with-cigars-and-brandy channel that made the chats smell bad. Soon after, the effects of the accident were being felt in #general-chat.

Col. Microwaveable Hamster even made a funny RFCP-style parody of the “This is Fine” meme, and soon after the fire started, it became our server icon. I believe this was done because of how much we really don’t care about preventing or dealing with massive server fires. Members sometimes even go as far as spreading fires across chats, or just flat out starting them with being careless with open flames, such as abandoning all types of fire such as torches, candles, or matches in a #news chat filled by pyromaniacs and arsonists.

[See the opening photo!]

We barely make any effort against increasing flames due to the a lack of fire extinguishers (since Prior’s retirement…), and the fire department has gone on record saying RFCP has had too many fires and they will not be putting any more out. As the fire grew, it rampaged through: #general-chat, #gallery-and-media, #chat-español, #pg13-memes, #dogs, #gentlemen-with-cigars-and-brandy, #cookie-cooking, #ohgoshwhydidweletsillahaveafurbychannel, #astronomy, #rfcp-fan-art, and most critically of all, #bank-of-rfcp.

No puppies or other animals were harmed in the fire.

The #bank-of-rfcp was the most affected, while some channels barely had a flame, such as #astronomy–which technically never was at risk due to the lack of oxygen in space preventing flames. Other channels like #dogs and #rfcp-fan-art evacuated everything in danger or burning, but stashes and stacks of valuable Bumble Bucks in the #bank-of-rfcp channel got lost to the fire, due to getting the more important things out of other channels first. To make matters worse, I’m pretty sure we don’t have insurance on the lost Bumble Bucks.

That was a big hot mess. The fire eventually ran out on its own (probably due to a change in the wind currents) after an especially long and concerning hour. There may be a full-on economic collapse following the losses, but Gen. Sillabye, who is a banker for RFCP, has flat out denied the possibility. Rebuilding the damaged chats will take a few days, hopefully, and we will resume normal activity.