Army Survey: Pineapple on Pizza?

NORTHERN LIGHTS, UKAHALA—Want to see our army’s views on one of the most controversial topics in the history of humanity?

Politics. The key to order in society. Everyone has their view on politics. Even Prior wants to be a politician. Politics define our society and its fate. Most people have hot takes on politics, but I don’t really care about them. There is only one conversation that involves every single person on this blue marble we call home. That question is:

Do you like pineapple on pizza?

Does pineapple belong on a pizza? | YouGov

My answer is yes: Hawaiian style pizza is my go-to order. But this topic is really, really up for debate. Some argue that the sweet flavor plays nicely with the salty nature of the cheese and the crust, while others hate the texture and compare it with eating sweetened slugs.

I, with my interviewing skills, the server archive, and dedication to move forward the daftest ideas, tackled this hot topic RFCP themed. I compiled the opinions of every RFCP soldier that I could find, via asking some directly or just typing “pineapple pizza” in the server archive search.

Let’s see the results.

So far, 24 of our members have made public their opinions about pineapple pizza. In scientific terms, this is a sample population of RFCP. Not the whole army, but sizable enough to, we assume, deliver an accurate average.

Take a look at these critical graphs:

RFCP sample population response to pineapple on pizza

I will split the population into two categories: the soldiers whose opinion I had to get through interviewing, and the soldiers whose opinion was just kinda lying there in the archive, so we will go with the archive soldiers first.

Our earliest mention of pineapple pizza (that wasn’t deleted with the old #general-chat) comes from Lt. Waluibby, who stated that it wasn’t bad on 29th of February, 2020, exactly one year ago (as of the time I’m writing this). Then, on June 30th, 2020, Gen. Anilia and Cpt. Spooky both confessed their love for pineapple pizza. One week later, Maj. October also came forward defending its existence.

Commissar Hamster brought it up and defended it 10 days later, while retired Red Baron DabOn and Col. Shy Guy voiced their disgust. Ice Corporal Ev asked Vizconde Don about it 5 days later and the latter’s hatred for the fruit shined, but Field Marshal Justin came forward and referred to it as godly. Retired Field Marshal Joshafter likes it.

Lt. Blueback loves it with bacon, while Sgt. Exsavitator stated that he couldn’t participate in the debate as he doesn’t even like pizza. Sgt. L1ghtning, however, despises pineapple on pizza big time, just like Col. MicroHam, who went as far as to say it belongs in the trash. And as the last non-interviewed soldier, Ice Agent Emma joined the hate train.

I asked Agent Oter about it and he replied that he doesn’t enjoy it, but he respects it, while his friend Corp. Kona firmly approves of it. When asked, Uncle Satchmo answered that he hates cheese so he ain’t having normal pizza to begin with, and our dear Cmdr. Coolj hasn’t even tried it. On a different note, Lt. Krispy doesn’t mind pineapple on pizza, while Agent Buddah_Dog would give it a hard pass.

The last three were Maj. Cc, Corp. Stitches, and Maj. Djchoruskid. Stitches said it’s delicious, while Dj flat out denied any accolades for the product, and Cc said that she would gladly eat it but it’s never been her favorite.

And what does Cmdr. Prior Bumble think?

“It’s not my favorite topping, but it’s good.”

There you have it, RFCP.

Not including the Big Man, 13 out of the 24 soldiers expressed some level of content towards the existence of pineapple on pizza, so it’s officially favorable in RFCP by a single vote. 

Hate and passion is strong with this one, but it happens to be quite the fun conversation-starter for anyone you’re just getting to know! Reach out in the server today and ask a fellow soldier their opinion–you might make a meaningful new connection in our beloved army.

If you enjoyed this post, look forward to more blogs where we survey the WHOLE army on interesting topics to see where RFCP stands!

What do YOU think about pineapple pizza? Should it exist? Do you like it? Leave your replies in the comments or #general-chat.

Senior Reporter

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