NORTHERN LIGHTS, UKAHALA –– Why did a fire breakout in the server yesterday? Uncle Satchmo went into detective mode for his first ever blog to give us the answers!
FEDDIEGATE may have passed, but there’s a new shenanigan to investigate.
On February 3rd, 2021, Commander Coolj left a torch unattended in #news. He warned everyone to stay away from it; however, his warning was ignored by Gen. Sillabye who poked the torch, causing it to fall over and a fire to break out in the server. After hours of fighting the fire, it was finally extinguished. However, the following day, the flames mysteriously returned. I, Uncle Satchmo, decided that I have to get to the bottom of this and answer your burning questions: “Why did Coolj leave the torch behind?” and, more importantly, “Who started the fire?”
After an intense interrogation of Commander Coolj, that lasted less than a minute, I got answers. He needed the torch for something. Despite my attempts to find out why he needed the torch, he would not cough up why. I have recently requested for a subpoena on Commander Coolj. We should find out the entire truth tomorrow.
There is still one question left unanswered: Who set the fire? I had to get to the bottom of this. After hours of intense interrogations, I finally got the answer I was looking for. My first suspect was none other than Gen. Anilia, the most sus person in the world.
Suspect #1 General Anilia
After an intense interrogation full of pain and heartbreak, I finally got a name: “Diane.” This lead me to my next question. Who is this Diane?
Suspect #2 General Silla
She said she would DM me later because she was currently playing DnD (Dungeons and Dragons) and finishing some school work, but she never did.
Suspect #3 Diane
That’s right! I found Diane. “Who is Diane?” you might ask. Diane is none other than the one and only Sgt. Krispy! After the most brutal interrogation to ever take place in the history of the world, I finally got the answer I was looking for. Krispy was the arsonist.
What hours of interrogation looks like.
On February 6th, Commander Coolj will be forced under oath to release a statement regarding why he left a torch unattended in the server knowing full well Silla or Anilia would do something stupid with it and that Commander Prior was not around to extinguish it…
Why did Coolj act so foolishly? Is there more to come? Could it be that th–
As Satchmo writes the final words to his blog, a figure hits him from behind, knocking him unconscious.
Why do YOU think Commander CoolJ would have left a torch unattended in the server, knowing RFCP members are notorious server-pyromaniacs? Leave us a comment below and let us know your thoughts (and perhaps say a prayer for Satchmo, that had to have hurt)!
Filed under: Satire/Humor
[…] requested that everyone DM me the burning questions they wanted answered for the blog, and you all delivered. Without further ado, let’s see what […]