The Peninsula Wars

Posted on September 1, 2019 by priorbumble1

On August 27th, 2019, Lime Green Army declared war on the RFCP. In a matter of five short days, RFCP forced every LGA server off the CPA map.

The story is a complicated one. LGA and RFCP tensions are not new to CPA. In fact, some members of the community are refreshed by the impassioned rivalry in a climate of alliance-heavy entities. But the elements of this war, much like the War of Smoke and Sour, bred controversy.

Armed conflict was suggested when the two armies clashed over targeting the same freeland servers (Cold Front and Ice Bank) when the additions to the map were made. LGA leader hippieFresh and RFCP Commander Prior Bumble originally laid out terms for upcoming war. One of these terms was that no allies were allowed, but colonies were permitted.

At the time, Cena’s Duck Defenders were a proud colony of the RFCP. LGA didn’t object to this term as talks were being had with Cosmic to colonize them under LGA. But things changed when Cosmic ended up refusing.

In one abrupt late-night message, hippieFresh said, “Terms are off,” to Prior. Prior, fervent to the values of keeping one’s word (which he believed Fresh had just shot to hell, since virtual hands had already been shaken), scoffed and dared the LGA to force him to comply.

Before the expiration date of the Treaty of Smog and Citrus approached (August 27), Prior offered LGA one last chance to establish terms to control the blaze of the war.

And yet, the declaration soon following had “terms” indeed:

The validity of an army enforcing its own made-up consequences to term-violations, and the proper rights and usage of colonies themselves, were taken to the CPA leaders’ chat, but the rage in Prior’s blood came from more personal reasons.

Originally included in this war declaration were plans to invade RFCP’s Northern Lights. Prior took particular repulsion to this move, as he’d confided privately to Fresh that Northern Lights was his favorite server due to the sentimentality of Col. Boi’s memorial held there. He felt that LGA was using this information against him. To their credit, LGA removed the invasion plans, but only after forcing Prior’s hand in agreeing to no colonies regardless of what the CPA leaders might decide. Fresh later apologized for scheduling the invasion of Northern Lights.

And so, war commenced. 1v1.

Battles of the Peninsula Wars

Defense of White House
Wednesday, August 28, 2019, at 8:00 p.m. EST
Led by: General Chainpro, RFCP
Rooms: Town, Iceberg, Forts
Result: Town=RFCP, Berg=LGA, Forts=Tie. Overall: Tie, RFCP keeps server
Notes: Commander Prior, at :57, with three minutes to go in the battle, logged into the snow forts from his computer in a UVA classroom, right in front of his college professor (no fucks were given). His arrival may have tipped the scale for that last room, as the numbers on either side were deadlocked at 16-16

2. Storming of Cold Front
Wednesday, August 28, 2019, 11:00 p.m. EST
Led by: Commander Prior Bumble, RFCP
Rooms: Iceberg, Docks, Mine Interior
Results: RFCP domination.
Notes: LGA retreated and logged off at 11:19 p.m. EST, not showing up to the final room. There were criticisms that RFCP’s invasion time was too late at night. At the iceberg, RFCP debuted its previously classified signature tactic, Red Wave.

Red Wave (code named Crimson Tide) is a tactic where RFCP soldiers maintain clovers while passing an E+9 angry emote around the circle clockwise. RFCP had been practicing it since July.

3. Invasion of Ice Bank
Thursday, August 28, 2019 at 7:30 p.m. EST
Led by: Commander Prior Bumble, RFCP
Rooms: Boiler Room, Iceberg, Shiphold
Results: RFCP domination
Notes: The battle lasted for only one room when LGA retreated and logged off once more. With RFCP fighting entirely solo and the invasion time having being previously specified as a preferred time for LGA, LGA struggled to lean on any excuse for their defeat.

The pattern of withdrawal by LGA garnered contempt and deepened RFCP sympathizers’ deficiency of respect for the the Lime Green Army.

Noticing LGA’s growing exhaustion, Commander Prior scheduled more combat immediately.

4. Taking of Great White
Friday, August 30, 2019, 9:30 p.m. EST
Led by: Commander Prior Bumble, RFCP
Rooms: Ski Village, Ship Hold, Iceberg
Results: RFCP domination
Notes: In this battle, for the first time ever, RFCP historically met a solo max of 20. LGA mustered resistance and refused to run, but RFCP force overwhelmed. After LGA’s defeat, LGA soldier, Raider, deserted the LGA and asked Prior if he can enlist in the RFCP. Prior accepted. This monumental battle drew spectators including Ultipenguin and Janeyre of RPF, Cena of DKA (formerly known as DD), and Retro of PZF.

Commander Prior was especially fond of the BOOM/BANG alt tactic above.

In R formation, RFCP shouts out to Cena as he watches the fatherland. Meanwhile, LGA does their signature ? emoji tactic…again.

“The Taking of Great White will go down in history as one of the most visually stunning battles to wage in CPA,” Prior told his officers in the command room. “There are moments when you collapse into a chair and stare at a battle and you’re so glad it was you who had the honor of leading it.That is me and this battle.”

We are blessed to have a recording of this whole battle thanks to General Cabin.

5. Defense of Cold Front
Saturday, August 31, 2019, 5:00 p.m. EST
Led by: Commander Prior Bumble, RFCP
Rooms: Docks, Stadium, Mine Interior
Result: RFCP domination
Notes: With a 3-0 RFCP and 1 tie record pressuring them, LGA scrambled for a new avenue to victory. Since CPA leaders voted to disallow armies from prohibiting colony involvement in a war (more on that in a later From the Desk of the Commander post), LGA’s own term for this was was nullified, something that now could be used in their favor. Without alerting Prior, they convinced Pyxel of Cosmic to colonize at the last minute, naming him 2ic of LGA, and rallied Cosmic troops. Commander Prior got wind of this from outside intel and immediately raised objection in leader’s chat. Pyxel had been refusing colonization, and all the sudden agreed?

So RFCP and DKA (Duck Knight Army, renamed following their independence from RFCP) matched LGA’s move.

It was a shuffle of swapping hats, of tossing muskets to one another, and ducks flooding into the RFCP server. RFCP and DKA troops alike cheered to working together again on such short notice. Finally, the colonial war both sides had spoken of was a reality. The Defense of Cold Front was 2v2, colony fighting colony.

Tactics included RFCP “thanking” LGA for their ex-troop, Raider, and, in the Mines, imitating a Cuddle Kittens tactic by bunching up on DMT and saying “Cuddle Party!!!!” They then charged across the room to Ulti and co. after hearing them say, “I am not being cuddled.”
“YES YOU ARE GETTING CUDDLED” RFCP replied. The battle ended with a “FREE HUGS” bomb by RFCP.

Aftermath

Following the 4-0 RFCP count in the war, LGA fled the map. They transferred all remaining servers to RPF.

Commander Prior decreed in the leaders’ chat that RFCP declares victory in the Peninsula Wars. Of course, LGA refused to accept this, saying they’ll be back when they boost their numbers and blaming RFCP’s wins on a few rogue colonists who didn’t get the memo for the very first battle, the Defense of White House (and RFCP officers had asked them to leave, honoring our word).

Cena, Snork, and EGCP had RFCP’s back in the leaders’ chat regardless.

LGA announced that they would be ignoring/surrendering the remaining territories scheduled for invasion by RFCP, and Sub Zero, what Prior said would be the home of his new “island oasis,” was gobbled up without LGA resistance with RFCP wearing Hawaiian shirts and leis. Tropical music from Lilo and Stitch and the Beach Boys played in the RFCP voice chat.

Like all events in history, the victors get to name the affair. LGA had been referring to this war as the “Conquest of Imperialism.” Not only does this name not make much sense for an army that initially declared no colonies (imperialism basically means to colonize beyond your borders), but there was not much conquest. So, this rapidfire war will be known as the Peninsula Wars. RFCP indeed reached its goals of seizing the LGA land in the northeast peninsula. But so much more happened.

The Recon Federation of Club Penguin was undefeated in a war against its deepest rival. It rocketed to world power status. LGA grossly underestimated RFCP’s strength without the NVA, and thus were steamrolled by RFCP in a shock of relentless force. While stars still spin around the LGA, RFCP continues to grow and attract soldiers looking for a place to feel loved in, a place to call home, left and right. The morale and bond of the troops is tighter than ever.

The conflict ended without a treaty, without a final word, and left those involved speechless as every last trace of bright lime green vacated the map. Only dust remained hauntingly silent in its wake.

RFCP is here to stay, however, and always holds its ground.

Erat Ipso Sacra.